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Name of author Rick Baker, P.Eng.

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Change, Criticism, Caring, & Candor

by Rick Baker
On Aug 29, 2012

I have written and repeated (1) "Change is Only Constructive When People Are Comfortable" and (2) "Constructive Criticism is an Oxymoron". 

In summary, my experiences and observations of others and their experiences cause me to believe very few people are open to criticism, regardless of whether or not we try to package it constructively. Also, experiences and observations confirm people resist change unless they are comfortable with it.

For many people:

  • change is threatening to the ego,
  • criticism is threatening to the ego, and 
  • change and criticism trigger deep-rooted emotional responses [i.e., fight or flight responses].

Regardless, in business [as in life] we must deal with change if we want to hold ground, make progress, or prosper. And, in business we must work with other people, all of whom have different perspectives on people and situations. And these differences in people's thoughts, ideas, and perspectives become the breeding ground for communication of desired changes. At least as often as not, changes are not accepted with open minds and with open arms. Instead, changes are resisted either overtly or covertly.

John C. Maxwell teaches and writes about leadership excellence. In his 2011 book 'The 5 Levels of Leadership' he wrote about "Caring" and "Candor", which he described as important aspects of leadership. He also provided guidance on how leaders can find the proper balance between "Caring" and "Candor". As I read the following section of Maxwell's book, I thought about "Change" and "Criticism" and how his "Caring" and "Candor" advice is helpful.

Leaders must be caring people. Leaders must inspire change [rather than demand and enforce it]. Leaders must communicate openly with their followers and sometimes that communication must contain fact/perception that, in one word, is criticism. 

How can leaders help followers be comfortable so the constructiveness of criticism is maximized?

How can leaders avoid assaults and battles of egos?

Maxwell's recommendation of a combination of "Caring" [empathy, with kindness] and "Candor" [open communication, frankly delivered] is a great starting point. He adds value by summarizing how the leader must find the right balance between "Caring" and "Candor".

The way I see it,

  • too much "Caring" places people outside of business and in the social-service sector
  • not enough "Caring" is unacceptable under today's societal and business norms
  • too much "Candor" is guaranteed to trigger a broad and deep resistance to one's ideas, instructions, and changes
  • not enough "Candor" leaves people confused, guessing, and often guessing wrong

All of those too muches and not enoughs signal nothing but stress, strain, discomfort, and unpleasant challenges.

So, Maxwell's words help us by explaining how to find the right balance between "Caring" and "Candor". Here's a quote from his recent book:

“Caring Values the Person While Candor Values the Person's Potential.

Caring Establishes the Relationship While Candor Expands the Relationship

Caring Defines the Relationship While Candor Directs the Relationship

Caring Should Never Supress Candor, While Candor Should Never Displace Caring

The next time you find yourself in a place where you need to have a candid conversation, just remember this:

  • Do it quickly - shovel the pile while it's small.
  • Do it calmly, never in anger - use the caring candor checklist.
  • Do it privately - you want to help the person, not embarrass him or her.
  • Do it thoughtfully, in a way that minimizes embarrassment or intimidation.”

Here is a link to more articles about Leaders and Communication.

Thought Tweet #545

by Rick Baker
On Aug 17, 2012

Thought Tweet #545 When you criticize others you run the big risk of messing up the way they view the situation.

 

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

  1. link to Constructive Criticism is an Oxymoron articles 
  2. Another way of looking at it: "The stronger the threat to feeling good about yourself, it seems, the greater the tendency to view reality through a distorting lens." Leonard Mlodinow - 'Subliminal', (2012)

Tags:

Criticism: Constructive Criticism is an Oxymoron | Thought Tweets

Thought Tweet #529

by Rick Baker
On Jul 26, 2012

Thought Tweet #529 Howling at the moon won't make it any brighter.

 

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

Constructive criticism is an oxymoron...in relationships, it's an interpersonal liberty taken one step too far.

Tags:

Criticism: Constructive Criticism is an Oxymoron | Humour | Thought Tweets

Self-Control: The Battlefield

by Rick Baker
On May 8, 2012

Self-Control: the battlefields where logic is outnumbered by emotions and desires.

It seems most people face a life-long war over self-control. 

The battles about Self-Control happen on 2 fronts:

  1. The Desires Front: where short-term 'pain' fights & struggles with long-term gain 
  2. The Emotions Front: where Logic is alone, surrounded & ounumbered, and must face Emotions
The Desires Front
 
I am going to make this personal...I am going to talk about chocolate ice cream. I desire that. I desire it on scorching-hot summer days. And, I desire it on bitter-cold winter days. And, I desire it on many days in-between. I also desire healthy arteries and 36" belts. So, the battle lines get drawn. I can have and enjoy the chocolate ice cream today...or...I can have and enjoy good health in the future. Now, I know I could choose a compromise where I limit the amount of chocolate ice cream I eat; however, it is very hard for me to do that because I'm dealing with (1) chocolate and (2) ice cream. Self-control is the battlefield. Logic is surrounded by conflicting desires for and against chocolate ice cream.  
 
The Emotions Front
 
One example: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I remember my parents teaching me that when I was a child. And, I believe I understood the underlying message. However, it took me a number of decades to be able to conquer my emotions to the point where I felt comfortable writing The Joys of Thick Skin & a Thin Skull.  The logic is sound: there is no reason why criticism should cause injury or trigger negative emotions. Yet, for some people, likely for most people, it does. And, some people are born with, or develop at an early age, a natural tendency to experience the emotion of anger when they are criticized. I know that's the way I was. Self-control is the battlefield. Logic faces, its Goliath, Emotions.

Thought Tweet #460

by Rick Baker
On Apr 20, 2012

Thought Tweet #460 Gather specks of agreement...make a molehill and use it to construct a mountain of agreement.

 

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

Constructive criticism is an oxymoron. Rather than be critical of other folks...focus on the areas of agreement. Build on those areas. Help people feel comfortable. Change is only constructive when people are comfortable

Thought Tweet #416

by Rick Baker
On Feb 20, 2012

Thought Tweet #416 “He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help.” #AbrahamLincoln 

 

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

Abraham Lincoln is one of my heroes. So is Winston Churchill, who, on the same topic, said, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

Tags:

Criticism: Constructive Criticism is an Oxymoron | Hero Worship | Thought Tweets

Copyright © 2012. W.F.C (Rick) Baker. All Rights Reserved.