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Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, No [...and now...likely...it's over!]

by Rick Baker
On Oct 30, 2013

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, No       [...and now...likely...it's over!]

The Art of Good Questions is about asking questions that bring about 'Yes' answers.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes.

What a fine string of 'Yeses'.

Then...

...'No'.

And, with that 'No'...'Yes' is likely over...resistance has kicked in...the other person is now either turned off, wanting to escape or ready to fight your every move.

There's a fine, sharp edge between 'Yes' and 'No'. That edge cuts quickly and deeply when you cause a person's thoughts to pass from the 'Yes' side to the 'No' side. Once the other person's thoughts are on the 'No' side, the constructive part of the conversation is over and irrecoverable. This is one of the reasons Constructive Criticism is an Oxymoron

When you criticize people you trigger their 'No' responses....and, at that point, constructive communication is over.

Sure, you may be able to present immaculate logic to try to extract the 'No' mindset from the other people...but remember, your chances are about the same as those of an unskilled rider trying to control a rather-out-of-sorts elephant.

Sure, you might try apologizing and asking to start over...if your trust bank account is flush with relationship assets then you may be able to pull that one off.

And, sure - the other person may be one of those exceptional people with thick skin...but, as you know, that's not very likely.

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