When it comes to repairing damaged relationships, three simple tools provide a great deal of value.

Here's an introduction to the 3 tools...

Tool #1 - from Eric Berne's work in the 1950's - 'Transactional Analysis'

People communicate 3 ways: Parent, Adult, Child. When you communicate with people, especially when situations are challenging, choose the Adult approach. Otherwise, you run the risk of Parent-Child communications or worse still Child-Child communications, both of which are not productive in business.

Tool #2 - from Patterson, MacMillan, Grenny & Switzler's recent work - 'Crucial Conversations'

'Crucial Conversations' happen when people disagree, emotions are charged, and the stakes are high. When approaching such conversations it is important to decide, up-front, the specific problem you wish to address. Is it a problem of dysfunctional Content? Is the problem a repeated Pattern of poor behaviour? Is the problem relationship damaging behaviour? Decide which problem form is to be addressed and limit your conversation to that single problem.

Tool #3 - from Mark Weber - Interests, Rights, & Power [see Thought Post]

When we have disputes with people we have the ability to focus on Interests [the things we want], Rights [the things we are entitled to], or Power [the Rights we can enforce]. When resolving a dispute, we do better when we focus on Interests. 

Of course, much more can be said about all 3 of these concepts/tools. However, there is much to be gained by keeping it simple by considering the 3 pictures and the 3 pieces of advice:

1. Think and talk like an Adult, not like a Parent or a Child.
2. Test the nature of the dispute: is it a behaviour Content problem, a repeated Pattern of behaviour problem, or a Relationship problem. Pick only one of these types and stick to discussing the problem in that way.
3. Recognize that people have Interests and thoughts about Rights and Power. To resolve disputes, focus on Interests and avoid arguments that escalate into Rights and Power territory.