When it comes to replacing bad habits with good habits, timing is everything.

Sometimes, you just are not ready to make a major change. When you are not ready to make a major change you cannot make a major change. This can be a very difficult thing to accept when you were trying to help other people make positive changes. It's particularly upsetting when people come to you asking for help and yet clearly their actions confirm they are really not ready to make changes.

In my career, this happens regularly. So, I have found the process of helping contains clear steps. First, I must understand whether or not the person is really in a position to be able to make changes. Is their mindset ready, willing, and able to make a change? Second, if people are not ready to make changes then what small steps could be taken to help them get that readiness? Third, as those small steps are being taken is there evidence to confirm the person is getting closer to the point where they will be able to make a change?

Common wisdom indicates that people will make major changes when they face crisis situations. On the other hand, far more often than not crises do not generate new good habits that result in major, lasting changes for the better. 

If crises will not generate major lasting changes then what will?

The answer is as challenging as it is simple: major lasting changes happen only when people are ready to make them.

That's why I say, change is only constructive when people are comfortable.

I suppose I should say: changes only constructive when people are comfortable because only then can the truly be ready, willing, and able to make constructive changes.

So, we must go back to the steps discussed earlier if we want to help people make lasting, constructive changes. We must first assess whether or not the person is in a position to make such a change. The best way to assess this is to provide small steps that if performed well illustrate progress in the right direction. If these small steps fail then we must determine why they failed and we must not assume the person is in a position to make changes. In fact it is better to assume the person is not in a position to make changes and, at the same time, be creative in providing action steps that have the best chance of helping them move forward.

During this stage of investigation of change-readiness, one thing that must be included is testing of the person’s self-confidence levels. If the person lacks self-confidence then the likelihood of major constructive changes is extremely small. People who lack self-confidence rarely make significant positive changes in their lives. Lack of self-confidence and its siblings low self-esteem, out-of-control ego, and poor self-image have a tendency to become lifelong problems.

A key to success: when we want to help people make major, constructive changes in their lives first thing for them do is build their self-confidence. When self-confidence is on the increase it is relatively easy to identify its positive signals. As examples: eye contact improves, tone of voice becomes more vibrant, complaints are reduced, and the person seems to have more time to connect outward with other people.

These and other things signal the development of new habits – good habits.