1. You get to choose who you want to be. If you disagree then shame on you. Even if you question what I have said in this bullet point, pretend you agree. Act like you agree. If you choose not to do that then you choose that at our own peril.

2. Choose the character traits you value: hero worship and more hero worship. And read.

3. If you get stumped on choosing who you want to be: keep working at it, working at it, and working at it some more and sooner or later it will come to you. Even if it is ‘later’, not ‘sooner’, it can never be too late.

4. Work on your Self-Confidence: do this all the time. Do this every day. Seek new ways to do it. Make this the most important habit you maintain. Outside of health and a good brain, there is no single thing in life of more importance than true Self-Confidence. You have some ability to enhance your health. You have some ability to enhance your brain function. You have far more ability to enhance your Self-Confidence. 

5. Keep an open mind: be curious, be adventuresome, take some risks, and embrace change.

6. Work on your Self-Control: again, this is fully within your control. Self-Control is a very broad concept. The way I look at it, it is closely linked to self-organization. 

7. Seek Action: laziness is a basic part of being Human…fight it. Fight it all the time.

We will all do better if we spend some time increasing:

• self-awareness [Who am I?, How do I fit in?, etc.]
• self-knowledge [What inspires me?, What do I have to offer?, etc.]
• self-monitoring [What am I doing...and what's driving me to act this way?, How are others reacting to me?, Do I care about their reactions?, etc.]
• self-regulating [Oh...wait a second...I'm not doing the right thing here...How can I adjust my behaviour?, etc.]
• self-control [Which is a life-long, challenging process. And, self-control is one of the defining traits of a leader.]

Try looking at skins and skulls from different perspectives.

Here's a dark-side way of looking at them...

The majority of people have either thick skulls, or thin skin, or both. Certainly, 'both' is not a rare thing. About 9 out of 10 people have thick skulls or thin skin or both. You know this. You see it every day. You see it all the time.

You know, when you go back to work tomorrow morning, you will be forced to deal with these people: thick skulls and thin skin will lurk or swagger all over the place.

Thick skulls and thin skin will be the body parts of: 

• many of your co-workers
• many of your suppliers
• many of your accountants & lawyers
• many of your company executives
• many of your business consultants

Someone with a thick skull will have his car in your assigned parking spot.

Someone with a thin skin will honk her horn at you, shake a finger or a fist at you, and mouth some words at you while you search around the parking lot trying to find another place to put your car.

Good Morning! That stuff will happen before you even get into your work-place building.

Then, you will make it into your building. Then what?

Well, you will encounter more thick skulls and more thin skin. Perhaps, these will be worn by the person who lets you know your access key has expired? Perhaps, it will be the person at the reception desk who again shares with you that contorted frown like, “Oh, it’s you again.”? Perhaps, it will be the nasty look on the coffee-cashier’s face or the nasty tone in the cashier’s voice when you muster the courage to mention you only received change for $5 when you had paid with $10?

A barrage of thick skulls and thin skin will surround you. You will be under thick-skull and thin-skin siege …at your own workplace. Your little castle will have no moat or drawbridge to save you.

But your castle...well, that's only the beginning of it.

Thick skulls and thin skin will be on every beach, on every landing ground, on every field, on every street, and around every hill.

Those with thick skulls and thin skin will be your customers. 

And, here’s another thing to remember…

Those with thick skulls and thin skin will be your competition.

People battle one another.

That’s happened for millennia. 

So, we should not be too surprised to see interpersonal battles in today’s workplaces.

However, it seems to me situations of in-your-face employee-employee and boss-subordinate conflicts are increasingly more common.

That’s a Problem.

[In the old days…say the 1980’s] When I started my career, overt dysfunction was not that common. Sure, ‘the boss’ was regularly the subject of behind-the-scenes discussion...covert dysfunction existed  but it did not permeate the workplace atmosphere. Sure, ‘the boss’ regularly made it clear that ‘he who carries the gold makes the rules’. Bosses favoured some folks over others. And, some people simply could not get along with others. However, a bar was set … ensuring a level of civility, respect, and order in the workplace.

What would have been grounds for dismissal in the old days thrives with impunity today.

In other words – too many people are getting away with too-bad behavior: 

• too many people wearing their home-hearts on their work-sleeves,
• too much employee-to-employee incivility,
• too many people refusing to follow bosses’ instructions,
• too many people refusing to treat co-workers with respect,
• too many people sabotaging other’s work, &
• all of this eats away at people`s energy and company`s profits & ability to compete.

Too many people are getting away with too-bad behavior: they are gnawing up energy and profits…and they are getting away with it.

If you disagree, if you believe these things are not a problem at the workplaces you see then your organization and your colleagues must be operating better than some of the folks I see in action:

• Why? Why is that the case?
• How? How are you and your colleagues drawing the lines, making sure people are playing fair at work?
• What? What specific actions did you take? (at the time of hiring?, in conjunction with performance reviews? other actions?)

If you agree, if you believe the balance between personal interests/problems and workplace needs has gotten out of whack then:

• Do you intend to take action?
• Why? Why do you think it is necessary to take action?
• How? How do you plan to take action?
• What? What specific actions will you take?

How do you recommend drawing the lines on workplace conflicts? 

The bottom line...

Draw lines on workplace conflict