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by Rick Baker
On May 15, 2017
Some people naturally repulse criticism. These people may show outward signs of their repulsion. These people may not show outward signs, or their repulsion may hide so well it would take a professional observer to notice it. Regardless, internally, these people churn in reaction to criticism. For these people - even small, innocuous pieces of feedback can trigger intense internal reactions, floods of adrenalin – adrenalin spikes.
- Do you know people who show vehement reaction to tiny criticisms…people who have zero tolerance for incoming criticism?
- Do you know people who, at first, show no outward reaction to criticism then, later, strike excessive reactionary blows against the person who delivered the criticism?
- Do you know people who have the habit of claiming they are the victim of undue criticism?
- Do you know people who repulse criticism yet deliver it to others with gusto and righteousness?
These are four common reactions to criticism.
I have personally exhibited at least three of these four reactions to criticism…and, probably, many people would think I’m selling myself short by not admitting to all four.
Why?
Why would I have had such reactions to criticism?
Not having much knowledge of physiology or biology and only dabbling experience with psychology I answer that question this way:
- When people criticized me, I experienced adrenalin spikes [or was that cortisol?]. I felt strong, churning, tightening sensations in the gut…quickly followed by combinations of anxiety and anger, often intense anger...then excessive negative thoughts and behaviour.
- This reaction must have started when I was a very young child. I have no memory of reacting any other way to criticism [until the last decade, that is].
- Perhaps, my criticism-repulsion was are due to genetics? Perhaps, my childhood environment? Perhaps, my early experiences with authority figures? I expect it was some combination of these things.
Here’s a curious thing. When you experience criticism-repulsion as a child you can be quite oblivious to other people. And, this can cause challenges…a large variety of interpersonal challenges. Left unattended, these interpersonal challenges can last a lifetime.
Here’s some good news. It is possible to gain self-understanding and create strategies to overcome the interpersonal challenges. The starting point, or at least one starting point, is recognition of the physiological changes that signal less-than-ideal reactions to criticism. People, perhaps most people, can alter their bad habits [including adrenalin spikes] if they choose to make the changes and do the work required.
PS: Perhaps, the people who experience the criticism-repulsion I have described are most capable of identifying it in other people? ... and helping others?
by Rick Baker
On May 11, 2017
Throughout the day we have gaps of 'free time', which I'm calling 'time scraps'. As one example of a time scrap - we find ourselves sitting in someone's lobby waiting for a meeting to start...that's a time scrap. These time scraps are too small for time-consuming tasks. Too small for major efforts of concentration. Often, they are only few-minute time scraps. And, in some situations we do not know how long the time scrap will last before the next 'work event' or other disruption arrives. Regardless, we can choose to use our time scraps. As just one example, we can choose to carry a personal organization tool like a Franklin Covey planner or a Blackberry. And, when we are facing time scraps we can choose to open our personal organizer and double check our 'To Do List'. This sort of task does not call for much concentration. This sort of task can be interrupted without damage...i.e., even if only one or two To Do items are checked a piece of goal-directed progress has been accomplished.
My View: I believe in moderation....I believe in a balanced approach to work-goals and work-tasks. Actually, I believe on working on the somewhat-excessive side of moderation but not at the extreme end of goal-focus where both attention and priorities become obscured. Success is not sustainable and relationships fall through when work-goal and work-task obsessions and compulsions gain a life of their own. For example, I am not in favour of carving days up into 5-minute pieces and killing my spirit by trying to make sure each and every 5-minute time scrap gets a gold-star performance rating. Expectations about performance and time/timing of activity need to be realistic...at least a little stretched...but still clearly within the bounds of realism.
PS: Time is a most-precious thing. Shame on the people who repeatedly waste time then complain about not having enough of it.
PPS: This Thought Post was written while I was waiting for a supplier-meeting to start.
PPPS: We all have the same amount of time...we know the past is gone...we know we have the present...we only hope we have the future.
by Rick Baker
On May 8, 2017
I have experienced some synchronicity around this topic...I have witnessed several unrelated instances...some people have complained about the interpersonal damages done by office conflict while others have applauded the value office conflicts have injected into innovative and creative processes.
Business empires have been built around office conflicts and 'crucial conversations'. In some cases the empires are bestselling books, must-do and how-to manuals aimed at teaching people how to diffuse, reduce, remove office conflicts. At the other end of the spectrum, we have a touted genius-of-our-time and an empire formed around the legacy of a partially-eaten apple.
And, interpersonal conflicts create huge challenges in family businesses: parent-child rifts, sibling rivalry, family distrusts. When these entrenchments exist it is easy to determine the cause/fault. It always rests with the other guy!
On the other hand, according to some experts, strongly-expressed differences of opinion lead to creative breakthroughs. Thick-skinned people locking horns in boardrooms and other meeting rooms...generating many diverse ideas...reaching a single decision...enjoying consensus...working in unison...achieving desired goals.
Radically different views about Office Conflicts!
What's your personal comfort zone?
Your comfort zone: that's the key area...
What's your personal comfort zone?
- How far are you prepared to stretch your comfort zone to accommodate other people's viewpoints?
- How open are you to accept different styles of communication when other people express their viewpoints?
- How clearly do you communicate your personal values and rules?
Put another way:
- Are you open to 'possibilities and 'new things'?
- Are you open to different personalities and communication styles?
- Do you know and share these important aspects of your character...telling stories to explain why you are the way you are?
As the ancient Greek maxim goes - "Know Thyself".
When you know yourself and know how to share important aspects of yourself with others you have the opportunity to be part of teams that excel at communication.
Internally - These successful teams may operate in friendly ways or in not-so-friendly ways.
Externally - These successful teams will present a unified front.
From Your Perspective - These successful teams will be inspiring, productive and gratifying.
by Rick Baker
On May 4, 2017
Strategic Planning does not have to be a frustrating, time-consuming, or boring process.
A quality strategic plan does not have to be lengthy.
After all, the real value of planning lies in 3 areas:
- the positive things people gain as they experience the process of the planning,
- the focusing of thought on efforts/action and goals/results, and
- the focusing of action people must take toward desired goals.
To accomplish (1) the process must be enjoyable, thought-provoking, open-minded and laced with active communication.
To accomplish (2) the process must be inspired and influenced by leaders' vision.
To accomplish (3) the strategies and tactics must be ‘user-friendly’, ideally ‘user-magnetic’.
PS: Many years ago, we designed the BIG PICTURE strategic planning process to simplify the presentation of plans in a 1-page summary.
by Rick Baker
On May 2, 2017
On Timeliness...
Do you know anyone who has achieved success in life without having the habit of meeting time commitments?
As I write this I'm thinking of petulant actors/actresses exerting their will on frazzled directors...that behind-the-scenes movie cliché, where one person disrupts everyone else's plans and schedules. On top of that, I'm thinking of the 1992 comedy movie 'Noises Off', which combined this behind-the-scenes movie cliché with a plot that is all about humorous consequences that could happen when people fail to meet time cues in live theatre.
While we can laugh about people messing up timing in movies, we seldom laugh about it in real life.
There are many sayings that capture our consensus view/wisdom around time and timing, as examples -
- Time waits for no man.
- Time is of the essence.
- Timing is everything.
Yet, almost all of us mess up timing, at least once in a while. We forget appointments. We arrive late for meetings. We fail to meet project deadlines.
Some people are habitually late. [Most families have at least one of these types...always late while the meal is overcooking or the cake & ice cream is on hold...waiting.]
Some people are intentionally late. [They act like 'The Royals'...or like they are, by far, the most-important person at the meeting.]
Some people completely lack any talent for timeliness. [Like they have stormy clouds of confusion around their watches and calendars.]
***
It seems to me timeliness holds lower priority now than it did a few decades ago.
Do you agree?
How do you feel about timeliness -
- Do you want others to be on time?
- Do you want to be on time?
by Rick Baker
On May 1, 2017
We live in a world, surrounded by external stimuli. We perceive stimuli in a variety of ways, some consciously and some not, and we have internal reactions. Certain stimuli trigger emotion-responses. Emotion-responses are innate.
Some examples of emotions [based on the research of Paul Ekman]: anger, disgust, embarrassment, excitement, fear, guilt, joy, pride in achievement, relief, sadness, satisfaction, sensory pleasure, shame, and surprise.
When emotions are triggered automatic body chemistry kicks in. This chemistry has been pre-concocted to bring about physiological change which will accompany/cause behavioural change. Most of us are aware when our emotions kick in. We feel internal changes and our behaviour changes. All of us, with some diligent work, can thoroughly understand the nature and implications of our emotions, why they are happening and what impact they have on our thoughts and our behaviour. When we take the time to study our emotion-responses we have the opportunity to replace unplanned emotion-driven activity with well-thought-through, logical post-emotion activity. Like any other desired behavior, this will require effort and practice in order to develop the emotion-response skills we desire.
The first step is to understand emotions...
Paul Ekman’s research provides a helpful ‘platform’ for understanding emotions.
In summary, emotions are not the feelings/mindsets/thoughts we carry around in our brains. Emotions are the short-lived automatic responses our bodies have when exposed to certain stimuli, particularly external stimuli. A commonly-cited example is the emotion of fear. When lions charge at us and we see that happening our bodies, without any conscious effort on our part, quickly generate/release chemicals to prepare us for fight or flight. That’s one example of how the emotion of 'fear' can be triggered.
More thoughts about the emotion called 'fear'.
The next step is to understand our [personal] emotion-responses…
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