When the things you do align with your goals and the demands of your Ego, you are doing good habits.  When the things you do are conflicted between your goals and the demands of your Ego, you are doing bad habits.

Egos know what they want. Egos are very demanding, persistent and relentless. In their incessant demands, Egos are very concerned about how other people perceive you. Egos all tied up about short-term gratification. Your Ego has a lot of trouble buying into your long-term goals and quite often your Ego will do everything within its power to influence other people to see you ni ways that do not align with your long-term goals.

It seems, as a general rule, it is easier for other people to pick up on our Ego demands then it is for us to notice let alone understand our Ego demands. 

Many people have not taken the time to try to understand themselves and the curious role their Egos play in their lives.  Without such understanding life is a series of struggles. In particular, the pursuit of long-term goals is a series of struggles, pretty much doomed to fail.

There’s that old aphorism – Know Thyself.

And, thy Ego is a big part of Thyself.

Why do we fear the loss of other people? Why are we sad when people leave us? I've given a fair bit of thought to this topic, both from the pre-perspective and the post-perspective. 

I've talked to people who are in pain, and I felt some pain myself. I've wanted to be able to ease their pain, and fallen short of being able to do that. Also, I've talk to people who have been very puzzled about why this happens. Why are other people so in fear of or worried about others leaving. I mean leaving permanently, for example - dying.

Why do some people fear the death of loved ones? How can we help them reduce that fear? These are the questions.

The fear of death is a powerful and quite common force. Napoleon Hill included the fear of death in his short list of the six most-common fears. I suppose the death of another person brings to home the fact, the cold hard fact, of our own mortality. In addition, the pain tied to  loss of love [which will inevitably happen when a loved one departs] is another of Napoleon Hill's six most-common fears. 

I believe the antidote suggested by Napoleon Hill can be summed up as follows:

• We must accept our own mortality, as being part of the human condition.
• We must accept that death brings unknowns to us because none of us knows with certainty what will happen to us when we die. We may choose to except beliefs about what will happen, but no one has first-hand proof. So, consciously or subconsciously, the topic of death brings ambiguity to our minds. We must accept that uncertainty and ambiguity as part of life [part of the human condition] and embrace it as being beyond our control.
• If we can accept death as inevitable and beyond our control then hopefully we gain peace of mind and that will be accompanied by a reduction in the fear we feel. 

Sometime ago I read a book about calmness, peace of mind and the cultures that promote these things. The book talked about a fellow, initially well respected in his community, who due to an unfounded and unkind accusation became the subject of community scorn. This fellow illustrated minimal reaction to either the respect or the scorn. Being most wise he first received his community's greatest accolades. Then, under peculiar circumstances he received his community's worst humiliations. Regardless, his response to news and to others' opinions and comments, whether bad or good, whether just or unjust, was always "Is that so". His singular response -  "Is that so" - wasn't presented as a question, it was presented as an acknowledgement that he had heard the news or the opinion. Internally, he was conditioned to accept situations as they arise and not allow them to destroy his calmness or peace of mind.

***

Napoleon Hill served U.S. President Woodrow Wilson for many years and the two men were very close. After helping end WWI, Woodrow Wilson became a champion for a new cause, the League of Nations: an international organization designed to promote world peace. While Wilson was appreciated world-wide for his efforts he failed to obtain his country's support to unite with other countries under the League of Nations. This failure 'broke Wilson's spirit' and the man slipped into poor health and death. Napoleon Hill visited Wilson at his death bed, wanting to help his friend pass as peacefully as possible. As Wilson lay on his deathbed, still agonizing over his failures Hill calmly looked down at Wilson and said to him, "Ultimately nothing matters". After thinking on it, Wilson looked up at Hill and, with a calmness taking hold, confirmed his agreement.

***

These two thoughts, which I learned from books - "Is that so" and "Ultimately nothing matters" - seem most fitting for today's situation. 

Written September 22, 2016.