I have written and repeated (1) "Change is Only Constructive When People Are Comfortable" and (2) "Constructive Criticism is an Oxymoron".
In summary, my experiences and observations of others and their experiences cause me to believe very few people are open to criticism, regardless of whether or not we try to package it constructively. Also, experiences and observations confirm people resist change unless they are comfortable with it.
For many people:
- change is threatening to the ego,
- criticism is threatening to the ego, and
- change and criticism trigger deep-rooted emotional responses [i.e., fight or flight responses].
Regardless, in business [as in life] we must deal with change if we want to hold ground, make progress, or prosper. And, in business we must work with other people, all of whom have different perspectives on people and situations. And these differences in people's thoughts, ideas, and perspectives become the breeding ground for communication of desired changes. At least as often as not, changes are not accepted with open minds and with open arms. Instead, changes are resisted either overtly or covertly.
John C. Maxwell teaches and writes about leadership excellence. In his 2011 book 'The 5 Levels of Leadership' he wrote about "Caring" and "Candor", which he described as important aspects of leadership. He also provided guidance on how leaders can find the proper balance between "Caring" and "Candor". As I read the following section of Maxwell's book, I thought about "Change" and "Criticism" and how his "Caring" and "Candor" advice is helpful.
Leaders must be caring people. Leaders must inspire change [rather than demand and enforce it]. Leaders must communicate openly with their followers and sometimes that communication must contain fact/perception that, in one word, is criticism.
How can leaders help followers be comfortable so the constructiveness of criticism is maximized?
How can leaders avoid assaults and battles of egos?
Maxwell's recommendation of a combination of "Caring" [empathy, with kindness] and "Candor" [open communication, frankly delivered] is a great starting point. He adds value by summarizing how the leader must find the right balance between "Caring" and "Candor".
The way I see it,
- too much "Caring" places people outside of business and in the social-service sector
- not enough "Caring" is unacceptable under today's societal and business norms
- too much "Candor" is guaranteed to trigger a broad and deep resistance to one's ideas, instructions, and changes
- not enough "Candor" leaves people confused, guessing, and often guessing wrong
All of those too muches and not enoughs signal nothing but stress, strain, discomfort, and unpleasant challenges.
So, Maxwell's words help us by explaining how to find the right balance between "Caring" and "Candor". Here's a quote from his recent book:
“Caring Values the Person While Candor Values the Person's Potential.
Caring Establishes the Relationship While Candor Expands the Relationship
Caring Defines the Relationship While Candor Directs the Relationship
Caring Should Never Supress Candor, While Candor Should Never Displace Caring
The next time you find yourself in a place where you need to have a candid conversation, just remember this:
- Do it quickly - shovel the pile while it's small.
- Do it calmly, never in anger - use the caring candor checklist.
- Do it privately - you want to help the person, not embarrass him or her.
- Do it thoughtfully, in a way that minimizes embarrassment or intimidation.”