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by Rick Baker
On May 15, 2017
Some people naturally repulse criticism. These people may show outward signs of their repulsion. These people may not show outward signs, or their repulsion may hide so well it would take a professional observer to notice it. Regardless, internally, these people churn in reaction to criticism. For these people - even small, innocuous pieces of feedback can trigger intense internal reactions, floods of adrenalin – adrenalin spikes.
- Do you know people who show vehement reaction to tiny criticisms…people who have zero tolerance for incoming criticism?
- Do you know people who, at first, show no outward reaction to criticism then, later, strike excessive reactionary blows against the person who delivered the criticism?
- Do you know people who have the habit of claiming they are the victim of undue criticism?
- Do you know people who repulse criticism yet deliver it to others with gusto and righteousness?
These are four common reactions to criticism.
I have personally exhibited at least three of these four reactions to criticism…and, probably, many people would think I’m selling myself short by not admitting to all four.
Why?
Why would I have had such reactions to criticism?
Not having much knowledge of physiology or biology and only dabbling experience with psychology I answer that question this way:
- When people criticized me, I experienced adrenalin spikes [or was that cortisol?]. I felt strong, churning, tightening sensations in the gut…quickly followed by combinations of anxiety and anger, often intense anger...then excessive negative thoughts and behaviour.
- This reaction must have started when I was a very young child. I have no memory of reacting any other way to criticism [until the last decade, that is].
- Perhaps, my criticism-repulsion was are due to genetics? Perhaps, my childhood environment? Perhaps, my early experiences with authority figures? I expect it was some combination of these things.
Here’s a curious thing. When you experience criticism-repulsion as a child you can be quite oblivious to other people. And, this can cause challenges…a large variety of interpersonal challenges. Left unattended, these interpersonal challenges can last a lifetime.
Here’s some good news. It is possible to gain self-understanding and create strategies to overcome the interpersonal challenges. The starting point, or at least one starting point, is recognition of the physiological changes that signal less-than-ideal reactions to criticism. People, perhaps most people, can alter their bad habits [including adrenalin spikes] if they choose to make the changes and do the work required.
PS: Perhaps, the people who experience the criticism-repulsion I have described are most capable of identifying it in other people? ... and helping others?
by Rick Baker
On May 8, 2017
I have experienced some synchronicity around this topic...I have witnessed several unrelated instances...some people have complained about the interpersonal damages done by office conflict while others have applauded the value office conflicts have injected into innovative and creative processes.
Business empires have been built around office conflicts and 'crucial conversations'. In some cases the empires are bestselling books, must-do and how-to manuals aimed at teaching people how to diffuse, reduce, remove office conflicts. At the other end of the spectrum, we have a touted genius-of-our-time and an empire formed around the legacy of a partially-eaten apple.
And, interpersonal conflicts create huge challenges in family businesses: parent-child rifts, sibling rivalry, family distrusts. When these entrenchments exist it is easy to determine the cause/fault. It always rests with the other guy!
On the other hand, according to some experts, strongly-expressed differences of opinion lead to creative breakthroughs. Thick-skinned people locking horns in boardrooms and other meeting rooms...generating many diverse ideas...reaching a single decision...enjoying consensus...working in unison...achieving desired goals.
Radically different views about Office Conflicts!
What's your personal comfort zone?
Your comfort zone: that's the key area...
What's your personal comfort zone?
- How far are you prepared to stretch your comfort zone to accommodate other people's viewpoints?
- How open are you to accept different styles of communication when other people express their viewpoints?
- How clearly do you communicate your personal values and rules?
Put another way:
- Are you open to 'possibilities and 'new things'?
- Are you open to different personalities and communication styles?
- Do you know and share these important aspects of your character...telling stories to explain why you are the way you are?
As the ancient Greek maxim goes - "Know Thyself".
When you know yourself and know how to share important aspects of yourself with others you have the opportunity to be part of teams that excel at communication.
Internally - These successful teams may operate in friendly ways or in not-so-friendly ways.
Externally - These successful teams will present a unified front.
From Your Perspective - These successful teams will be inspiring, productive and gratifying.
by Rick Baker
On May 1, 2017
We live in a world, surrounded by external stimuli. We perceive stimuli in a variety of ways, some consciously and some not, and we have internal reactions. Certain stimuli trigger emotion-responses. Emotion-responses are innate.
Some examples of emotions [based on the research of Paul Ekman]: anger, disgust, embarrassment, excitement, fear, guilt, joy, pride in achievement, relief, sadness, satisfaction, sensory pleasure, shame, and surprise.
When emotions are triggered automatic body chemistry kicks in. This chemistry has been pre-concocted to bring about physiological change which will accompany/cause behavioural change. Most of us are aware when our emotions kick in. We feel internal changes and our behaviour changes. All of us, with some diligent work, can thoroughly understand the nature and implications of our emotions, why they are happening and what impact they have on our thoughts and our behaviour. When we take the time to study our emotion-responses we have the opportunity to replace unplanned emotion-driven activity with well-thought-through, logical post-emotion activity. Like any other desired behavior, this will require effort and practice in order to develop the emotion-response skills we desire.
The first step is to understand emotions...
Paul Ekman’s research provides a helpful ‘platform’ for understanding emotions.
In summary, emotions are not the feelings/mindsets/thoughts we carry around in our brains. Emotions are the short-lived automatic responses our bodies have when exposed to certain stimuli, particularly external stimuli. A commonly-cited example is the emotion of fear. When lions charge at us and we see that happening our bodies, without any conscious effort on our part, quickly generate/release chemicals to prepare us for fight or flight. That’s one example of how the emotion of 'fear' can be triggered.
More thoughts about the emotion called 'fear'.
The next step is to understand our [personal] emotion-responses…
by Rick Baker
On Apr 27, 2017
A number of years ago, I posted the following thoughts about how to kill good ideas.
It is interesting to see a number of people liked the contrarian approach. Perhaps we should spend more time communicating about how to kill good ideas? Perhaps that would encourage people to come up with more-creative ways of squashing one another's innovations, inventions, and creative thoughts? Perhaps this could go a long way toward throttling that annoying habit called Curiosity?
Regardless, at least we have 4 proven ways of getting the job done!
By Rick Baker On Oct 4, 2011
As mentioned recently, I read a really interesting book. It taught me how to kill good ideas.
Here is a sample of what I learned, 4 ways to kill good ideas:
- Fear Mongering…use genuine facts from the past to create a picture of a fearful future You know many people agonize over the mistakes they have made in the past. And they worry horrible events will repeat themselves…causing misery. So, when someone has a good idea and you want to kill it you can try this strategy. Just recall some extremely painful event from the past and express your concern that this terrifying situation could happen again if we accept this new idea.
- Death by Delay…one great way to do this is send the idea to a committee
Here’s a nuance you can incorporate when you use this strategy. Dig up some abstruse fact from your company’s history. Applaud the idea then introduce the abstruse fact and talk as if you are convinced the idea and the abstruse fact must be addressed by a committee of various intelligent people. Suggest a chairperson for the committee…i.e., suggest someone you know to be a curmudgeon.
- Confusion…inject lots of irrelevant facts and support them with illogical arguments
Keep a list of irrelevant facts in a file in the MemoPad area of your BlackBerry. Gather these over time, wean out the weakest ones, and replace them as you find really-choice irrelevant facts. Have at least a dozen fresh irrelevant facts ready for use. Then, whenever people come up with ideas pull out your BlackBerry while stating something like, 'What a synchronicity…I was writing some notes around that topic last week'. Then go on to cite a list of irrelevant facts…keep it up until at least one person dozes off.
- Ridicule…with a good-natured demeanour and calm voice, assassinate the character of the person who has the idea
This one should come with a warning: DO NOT show anything close to a negative emotion while you do this. That could backfire on you, making you look like some sort of unreasonable person. CAUTION: this will take practice…if you are real busy then pick another strategy. To pull this one off you must be pleasant and calm. You must prepare your assassinating words well in advance and practice them in front of a mirror so they come across just right. I recognize that is barely an introduction to this 4th way to kill ideas. But, a more-detailed explanation is beyond the scope of this Thought Post.
You may be saying to yourself, surely there must be more ways to kill good ideas.
Yes, do not fret; of course there are many other wonderful ways to kill ideas.
FootnoteThe book I am referring to is ‘Buy-In, saving your good idea from being shot down’, John P. Kotter and Lorne A. Whitehead. According to the authors of the book I just read, the average person receives about 10,000 ideas [other people’s plans, demands, suggestions, and proposals] every week. That’s a lot of incoming ideas to deal with. Many people are overwhelmed. Most people figure out ways to kill the vast majority of those ideas. The authors provide some solutions…i.e., how to save your good ideas from being shot down. But, it’s a double-edge sword…you can also use their wisdom to hone your skills at killing good ideas.
by Rick Baker
On Apr 18, 2017
When we observe people, we observe the equivalent of the tip of the iceberg.
We observe people's Actions. We observe their vocal actions, their body language, and the wide variety of their other physical actions. Yes, to various degrees we have hunches - intuitions - which allow us to sense things beyond their actions. Regardless, for the most part, our perceptions of people are based on our observations of their Actions.
And, that's like looking at the tip of an iceberg.
Here's how I see it...
We observe a person's Actions. The person's Actions create in our minds perceptions of the person's Energy, Thoughts, Talents, Self-Control, Intelligence, and Emotions. And, those are the most important things people possess beyond the Actions we observe. These 7 things - Actions, Energy, Thoughts, Talents, Self-Control, Intelligence, and Emotions - are the essence of human beings. One of the facets that make up the essence - Action - is visible to other people. The other 6 facets are hidden from others and it is often difficult to understand their nature in self let alone in others.
Energy is perhaps closest to the surface. Certainly, Energy is closely tied to Actions. When we see an energetic person it registers. Sometimes, high-energy Action impresses us immensely and moves us deeply. As examples, we are impressed by energetic athletic performances and moved deeply by energetic musical performances. Sometimes, the energy is much more subtle yet of equally powerful impact. For example, we can be moved deeply by poetry. Perhaps - or, should I say likely - our perceptions of another person's energy are more reliable than our perceptions of the 6 underlying facets. In most situations, when we see little evidence of energy in others we conclude they are resting, or they are lazy, or they are ill. In certain situations, we interpret other people's lack of energy as a signal they are thinking or meditating. But, often a lack of evidence of energy is interpreted to be a negative signal. Evidence of action, particularly energetic action, can be interpreted in many ways...ranging from very bad to very good...depending on our values and our other judgement factors and how the other person's actions align with our values and judgements.
Thoughts come in many forms. Desires are thoughts, as are goals and ambitions. Feelings are thoughts tied to Emotions and desires. When feelings last for extended periods, say a day or so, they become moods. When we lose the ability to control our feelings and other thoughts within 'reasonable/normal' boundaries moods transform into mental states such as clinical depression, mania, dementia, paranoia, etc. Some thoughts are good, some are bad. The easiest way to draw the line between good and bad is to ask the question, "Does this thought help me achieve my long-term goals?" If the answer is "Yes" then the thought is a good thought. If the answer is "Maybe" or "No" then the thought is a bad thought. Habits straddle Thoughts and Actions. Habits are Thoughts [including feelings] and Actions that are repeated. And good habits are repeated thoughts or actions that take us towards our long-term goals while bad habits do not. There is a strong link between the Thoughts and Actions that form a person's good habits. Good-habit Actions are the result of repeated cerebral cortex activity...repeated so frequently they become resistant to Emotions. Habits are closely tied to Self-Control.
Talents are innate. Some [if not most & perhaps even all] are genetic in origin, gifts from our parents and their ancestors. Talents respond well to strong, supportive early-childhood influences. For example, innate musical Talents can blossom into gifted Action at a very early age when supported by masterful coaching. Gretzky and Mozart come to mind. Yet Talents can also be suppressed and buried at an early age, never to be discovered. Processes exist to help us discover our Talents. Some are simple. For example, there is a close linkage between our feelings and our Talents. When we are feeling good and are enthusiastic while performing Actions, that's a signal that Talents could be at work. Conversely, when we have negative feelings while doing tasks and processes that could be a signal the Action is outside our Talent zone. Talents do not show up as Action unless they have the opportunity to do so. Talents do not show up as strengths [task and process mastery] unless they are combined with specialized knowledge and practised skills. The amount of practice is large. That requires commitment and persistence, so Self-Control is essential to strength - mastery of Action. When we observe other people illustrating mastery of Action, we can assume they have talent, knowledge, and skill in that area. We can assume the Action mastery required Thought and Self-Control.
Self-Control is a magnificent facet. It is reasonable to assume it has some genetic roots. However, clearly, it can be influenced by environmental factors. Social psychologists have proven situations and 'role models' play a huge role in human behaviour. Philosophers and psychologists have argued both for and against power of will. Psychologists have added texture to Self-Control, differentiating between short-term 'self-control' and long-term 'grit'. Regardless, for this introductory discussion, the ability to exercise will power is the same as the ability to exercise Self-Control and if these things cannot be exercised over the long term then their value is limited. Self-Control is the ingredient that allows the other 5 hidden facets and the resulting Actions to generate success. Self-Control consumes energy as bad habits are replaced with new things and good habits. Self-Control conserves energy when good habits are firmly in place. Self-Control enables Intelligence to gain ground, slowly over time and with repetition of focused Thought, over Emotions and unfocused Thought. Self-Control funnels energy to Talents so they have the opportunity to be exposed for long periods to the practice required to master the skills of Action.
Intelligence is the quality and amount of information we have stored in and can retrieve from our brains...as measured by others' perceptions of our Actions. Intelligence has both IQ and EQ components. When we have information in our minds and cannot retrieve it and convert it into Action that information is knowledge, not Intelligence. Human Intelligence only exists when it is perceived by other people. And, it can only be perceived when it manifests itself into physical form - and that means Action. Unfortunately, people's perceptions are influenced by a range of biases...literally, hundreds of biases. With that understood, there is little chance for one's Intelligence to be accurately understood or measured by other people. People observe our Actions. Their observations and perceptions of our Actions determine their opinion of our Intelligence. Yes - IQ tests are directionally correct within the limitations of a biased, narrow, and restrictive range. The same holds true for EQ tests. In the real world, people observe our Actions- they observe what we say and what we do - and they draw conclusions around our Intelligence [which they being biased, typically, underestimate].
Emotions are vestiges of pre-history. They are automatic chemical/electrical/physiological responses, largely outside of consciousness. They
occur quickly and are of short duration. In modern days of business, where fight or flight are generally not appropriate responses, they do us little good. Yet, Emotions live on and are deeply rooted in our subconscious minds. They are deep-rooted in the mind of the person doing the Action. And, they can influence Action. At the same time, Emotions are also deep-rooted in the mind of the person who observes the Action. So, they can also influence the perception of the observer. Emotions, somehow, support the formation and maintenance of bad habits...Emotions work against positive change. There is evidence confirming Intelligence and Self-Control can focus Energy and Thoughts to offset the awesome natural power of Emotions. This works best when Talents are in play.
Summing up...
When we observe other people's Actions we need to remember we are observing the tip of an iceberg. And, we need to remember our perceptions are skewed by numerous biases. We need to take time to make judgements of other people's motives and abilities. We need to communicate more clearly and work to understand other people. We need to ask good questions and listen well to the answers. We need to extend more trust. We need to invest in building stronger relationships.
First posted December 12, 2013
by Rick Baker
On Apr 13, 2017
I won’t be surprised in the slightest way if you figure The Point is a rather trite point. My argument is – it isn’t a trite point.
The Point is a point worth thinking about.
Here’s where I am coming from…
Some bosses behave as if The Point is not true, or, more accurately, they behave as if it better not be true. Sometimes, we call these people Autocrats. They rule with absolute power. And they are very inclined to make stiff, inflexible rules…Master Rules [i.e., Master Rules under full double entendre].
Some bosses behave as if The Point is true, however, they fight against it every, single workaday of their lives*. Sometimes they are surprised when people question their decisions. Sometimes they get huffy when people question their decisions. Almost always, they feel and show negative emotions when people question their decisions.
Perhaps, these unhelpful reactions illustrate the flaws of those bosses who feel ‘position power’ provides special rights…rights that make their decisions golden?
Putting a finger on your Leadership pulse…
When your decisions are questioned – do you feel negative emotions?
If so, how’s that working for you?
And, how’s that working for the people who follow you?
***
If you are one of those people who question your boss's decisions - do you observe negative reactions?
If so, how's that make you feel?
And, what are you doing to generate better outcomes?
Have you given any thought to The Art of Good Questions?
Footnote:
* yes, technically speaking 'workaday' is not a noun...
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