A couple of years ago I wrote an article titled, We are too tolerant of conflict!

Now, I’d like to re-title that article, “We are too tolerant of bad conflict!”

The 2015 article contained:

Often, we find ourselves in situations of conflict because:

1. we lack self-confidence and, as a result of that, we behave either too timidly or too aggressively and

2. we are too lazy to figure out how to avoid conflict or nip conflict in the bud when we know it has commenced.

We are too tolerant of conflict.

Some people even promote conflict in the workplace because they view it as a good, healthy and productive way to communicate, make decisions, and delegate tasks.

That's interesting in many negative directions!

The results the conflict promoters achieve at their businesses prove it is a high-risk-low-reward strategy.

Recently a number of friends have raised the topic of workplace conflict. It is interesting to note their viewpoints have all been in the zone of promoting conflict in the workplace because they view it as good, healthy and productive. As these conversations swirled, I listened intently. In particular, I listened for examples that would help me understand, specifically, ‘How’ good, healthy, and productive workplace conflict occurred…or, better still, was orchestrated or managed. 

Yes – at the conceptual level diversity of thought/opinion is good, healthy and productive. And, we know when the stakes are high and emotions are heating up diversity of thought/opinion can lead to conflict. So, [the good thing] diversity of thought/opinion can lead to workplace conflict. Whether that workplace conflict is good or bad depends on a number of things. As examples:

• Tolerance – in the event one or more of the conflicting parties is intolerant of the other party [in any way, including general prejudices or specific ‘negative’ experiences] it is highly unlikely the conflict will lead to good things.
• Self-confidence – as introduced above, individual’s self-confidence is a critical success factor in situations of workplace conflict...and in life. Self-confidence is not a constant: like Goldilocks’ porridge, sometimes it is too hot, sometimes it is too cold, and sometimes it is just right. When self-confidence is too hot or bloated conflict tends to escalate into unproductive territory. When self-confidence is too cold or injured conflict tends to reach a unilateral resolution and disagreement remains but is hidden, stewing on a back burner.

Tolerance and self-confidence are but two considerations. There are many others. If we want workplace conflict to generate positive, constructive results that take us toward our desired goals then we must do much more than just talk about the value embedded in diversity of thought/opinion and the merits of workplace conflict. We must dig deep to understand the factors that, likely before the beginning of conflict but definitely by the end of the conflict, determine whether conflict time and effort was well or poorly spent. We must understand the Why behind conflict-thought/opinions and know the How of guiding conflict-action before we can pave the path for valuable and productive results. And, there’s no better starting point than self-confidence, beginning with analysis of self. 

Above and beyond everything else, Courage is the mind state that promotes positive mental attitude.

Like every other mind state, with focused and persistent effort, Courage can be developed.

Courage is about facing fears and acting against them. So, Courage is a mind state laced with emotion. It is a mind state where fear is tamed and transformed into something more positive and constructive.

Often, Courage is developed accidentally - for example when someone acts impulsively in reaction to a dangerous or fearful situation.

Deeply rooted Courage can also be developed intentionally with forethought and planned action steps.

People know what causes them to feel fear. People can anticipate most of the situations that cause them fear. As one example, people can anticipate other people’s actions that cause them to experience fear. More specifically, in business, people can anticipate the specific actions their bosses do that trigger feelings of fear.

Most of the situations that cause us to be fearful can be anticipated. 

Because we have this ability to anticipate fearful situations we also have the ability to plan ways to counteract those fearful situations before they visit us. In summary, we can role-play fearful situations in our minds long before those fearful situations happen in reality. While we role-play those fearful situations in our mind we can role-play various reactions to those fearful situations and, in effect, we can train ourselves in advance on the best ways to react to fearful situations. Then, later, when fearful situations arise in real life we can face them and take pre-planned actions. And, because we know what we are doing and why we are doing it we can be more objective. We can 'self-analyse' to assess, rate, adjust, and improve our performance in fear-situations. Following this approach we can improve our handling of fear-situations and build Courage until we reach the level of Courage we desire.

The more fearful situations we can anticipate and plan for the more opportunities we will have to test different fear-countering actions… the goal being ‘fear management’...i.e., Courage.

The process described here helps us master our fears, build Courage, and build self-confidence. This is the optimum process for development of Courage because we control the pace and we get first-hand feedback as we succeed in small steps. It is also an excellent way to build self-confidence, that state of mind where we know we have the ability to address and handle situations when we face them.

Courage and self-confidence are the states of mind most conducive to building positive mental attitudes toward other people and situations and, of more importance, toward ourselves.

Back in 2011, I had concerns about “Big Hairy Audacious Goals”. [BHAGs are a concept promoted by ‘Good to Great’ guru, Jim Collins.]

I think Jim Collins has provided terrific advice for business people. In particular, I embrace his “Hedgehog Concept”. However, I have heard many small-business leaders express confusion about Collins’ advice. The confusion is around ‘extent’:

• “Good to Great”: OK - How great is great? [Does everyone have to aim for multi-billion dollar targets?]
• Hedgehog “Best in the World”: Is that too big a goal?
• “Big Hairy Audacious Goals’: Is audacity the right direction?

If you want to be recognized as “Great” and compete with major, international organizations then I get it. You must be big. You must be exceptional. You must set extreme targets. You must be a rock superstar. You must be audacious [or something comparable…like disruptive…or magical.] In other words - if you want to be recognized as “Great” then you must excel in all the areas covered in classics like ‘Think and Grow Rich’.

The questions that should be considered are:

• Who wants to be recognized as “Great”? [I mean “Great” as defined by Jim Collins.]
• How many business people can become “Great”? [Again, I mean “Great” as defined by Jim Collins.]
• Should small-business leaders embrace the recommendations in Jim Collins’ ‘Good to Great’?

Reality Check…

Many small-business people dream about being “Great”. But rarely do small business leaders do the things necessary to even have a chance at being great. Worse still, most readers of ‘Good to Great’ are not leading “Good” businesses when they are thinking about building “Great” businesses. Considering this, ‘Good to Great’ concepts probably do more damage than good at small businesses. The concepts confuse leaders who, misguided, relay the confusion to their people. The result is – many small-business leaders quote Jim Collins while few have an understanding of the realities of mediocre-to-good changes let alone good-to-great changes.

In addition, when people promote BHAGs everybody seems to ignore the psychological realities. For most people, big hairy audacious goals generate big hairy audacious anxieties…ruining relationships, obliterating the chance of success, and destroying spirit.