Now, I know the famous composer Richard Wagner said, “Joy is not in things; it is in us”.

 

However, at least from time to time…

 

When we want things and don’t get them we are disappointed. When we do ‘hard work’ and the results fall short we are disappointed. When we want things and we get them we are, at least, momentarily satisfied or happy. When we do ‘hard work’ and achieve desired results we feel satisfied or happy. When it comes to work…some of our desires are positive, normal, and healthy in nature and some of our desires are not.

 

According to Eckhart Tolle, all negative desires represent frustrations of positive desires inspired by defeat, failure, and neglect. I’m still thinking on that cause-and-effect way of looking at desires. Sometimes, when we ‘work hard’ and are defeated we wind down a bit...and the work starts to taste sour. Sometimes when we ‘work hard’ and people don’t notice we wind down a bit...and the work tastes sour. Perhaps, after more defeats and more neglect the taste gets so sour we give up. And our attitude towards life sours. Perhaps, that’s how positive intent ends up becoming negative attitude, the breeding ground for negative desires.

 

Regardless of where joy is and how desires become desires there is a piece of ancient wisdom we should keep at the front of our thinking. This wisdom has been described in writing for well over 2000 years.

 

This ancient wisdom is the key to ensuring our work does not put sour tastes in our mouths.

 

There are numerous quotes, capturing this wisdom.

 

I particularly like this one, from ‘The Old Lion’, Theodore Roosevelt:

 

 

I bet most people want to work hard at work worth doing…to ‘make a difference’.

 

If we put our minds and hearts to it then we can create their chance to do just that.

 

 

You can use that as a general rule…it is a Rule of Thumb. You will find it rings true something like 99.44% of the time. The only times this Rule of Thumb will not be true are when you are criticizing someone who has super-thick skin or someone who has interpersonal strengths that go a deep notch beyond 'tolerance' and 'appreciation of the differences in people'. Put another way, the only people who will receive your criticism as constructive are people who have confidence untainted by problems of ego and people who allow others to say what they must say and do what they must do.

 

Those people are few and far between.

 

Most people do not react well to criticism.

 

OK, but certainly criticism can be packaged and delivered in a way that is constructive.

 

That’s logical…isn’t it?

 

Yes – that’s logical.

 

But, remember logical Riders must deal with the reactions of emotional Elephants. And, 99.44% of Elephants do not like to be criticised. 99.44% of Elephants react negatively to criticism. It is that plain and simple.

 

Carl Jung said it this way:

 

“Criticism has the power to do good when there is something that must be destroyed, dissolved, or reduced but it is capable only of harm when there is something to be built.”

 

Franklin P. Jones made the same point in a slightly-humorous way:

 

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.”

 

***

 

Recognizing the general rule Constructive Criticism is an Oxymoron, we recommend 3 things:

1. Leaders should work to make their skin thick enough to place them among the few people who have developed the strength to violate the rule.
2. Leaders should refrain from criticising people.
3. Leaders should help followers develop thicker skin.