People don't express their thoughts as clearly as they think they do.
People don't listen as well as they think they do.
And, to make matters worse, people are born with these brittle, fragile, and unpredictable egos that inject biases and confuse their thoughts.
Egos have a singular strategic initiative: protecting themselves.
Egos have a preferred operating tactic: adjusting thoughts and actions to present the ego-owner in the most-desired manner. This preferred tactic both ‘protects’ and ‘projects’. It protects the ego. It projects an image of the ego-owner. It projects:
- consciously and unconsciously [in planned and spontaneous ways],
- in ways that are consistent with the self-image,
- in ways that promote the self-image, and
- with extreme bias [using a spectrum of biases/perspective-altering techniques].
So, as people communicate with one another they are guided by these self-serving, brittle, fragile, and unpredictable egos. These egos wander rampant everywhere, protecting themselves and doing the best they can to manipulate others’ perspectives at every opportunity…
…all at the expense of clear and complete communication.
Going back to the initial premise: People don't express their thoughts as clearly as they think they do.
Generally, people don’t know the extent of their biases. That’s the nature of biases. That’s the ‘Catch-22’ of biases. Biases operate at their peak when their owners fail to understand the biases exist. When owners know their biases exist their biases’ power diminishes. When biases are unknown to their owners biases act in accordance with the uncontrolled demands of their owners’ egos […or is it ‘unconscious minds’].
So, often, people think they are communicating one message when in fact their egos are communicating an entirely different message.
And, about the second premise: People don't listen as well as they think they do.
For several reasons, people do not listen well. To name a few:
- they brainwash themselves into believing they are too busy…providing themselves with a lifetime excuse for not making the effort learn how to listen well,
- they have never taken the time to work at developing focus or concentration skills, and
- their egos take over their ears and brains, more or less at will.
About that last point: Consider, for example, you are at a social gathering exchanging pleasantries with one person and a far-more-important person happens to walk near the two of you. You, of course, very quickly tune out the talking person as your brain thinks about the far-more-important newcomer. Why? Why do you do this? While there are a number of possible explanations, you will save time if you check your ego first.
So – that’s the problem, what’s the solution?
The solution rests in the ancient Greek aphorism: “Know Thyself”.
Injecting an ancient word and expanding on one of Covey’s ‘7 Habits’ –
Seek First to Understand Thyself:
- Only then will you have the ability to keep your ego in check and in balance.
- Only then will you have the knowledge you need to listen with skill.
- Only then will you have the knowledge you need to express your thoughts clearly.
#Communication