When you boil it down, people only do 3 things!
There is an easy way to improve how you deal with people.
In fact there are several easy ways to improve how you deal with people.
Sure. People are complicated.
Sure. People are unpredictable.
In fact, other people can baffle us at every turn.
And…it does not have to be that way.
Here is a simple way to start simplifying and improving your dealing with other people. This applies whether you are trying to persuade someone to accept your opinions or you are trying to understand where your boss is coming from. It also helps you understand why people make curious hand signs at you when you are driving or honk their horn at you when you lose track of time while looking at your BlackBerry in a coffee drive thru.
When you boil it down, people only do 3 things!
People only do:
- Good Habits,
- Bad Habits &
- New Things.
Good Habits are things that increase the likelihood they will achieve their goals.
Bad Habits are things that reduce the likelihood they will achieve their goals.
New Things are things they have not done before or haven’t done in a while.
Goals come in 2 forms: Conscious goals and Unconscious goals.
Samples of
Conscious Goals:
- To be healthy
- To sell $X of stuff by the end of the month
- To complete a training course
- To relax for an hour by the trees
Samples of
Unconscious Goals:
- To maintain life by an intake of oxygen [breathing]
- To protect body safety [that fight-or-flight adrenalin surge]
- To make sense of incoming stimuli [neuron systems, etc.]
- To protect one’s ego [emotions, etc.]
When we recognize people only do 3 things, the drivers behind those things is something we can and often should set aside…at least, we can make sure we do not waste a bunch of time trying to figure out the drivers. The reality is: it is extremely difficult to deduce other people’s motivations/goals/driving forces.
In general, we are better off not trying to deduce the motivations/goals/driving forces behind other people’s actions.
In order to make sense of other people’s actions, we can save a lot of time by sorting out those things into the 3 categories:
- Good Habits,
- Bad Habits &
- New Things
Sure, it requires judgement.
But, really, it isn’t very hard to do.
People rarely do New Things.
So, most times the choice is either a Good Habit or a Bad Habit.
More to follow in future
Thought Posts…but…in the interim, a few thoughts:
- When people do Good Habits they want you to notice or compliment them
- When people do Bad Habits they want you to ignore or help them
- When people do New Things they want you to encourage or support them
When people do Good Habits, Bad Habits, or New Things they do not want you to criticize them.