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Why feel fear and sadness?

by Rick Baker
On Oct 5, 2016

Why do we fear the loss of other people? Why are we sad when people leave us? I've given a fair bit of thought to this topic, both from the pre-perspective and the post-perspective. 

I've talked to people who are in pain, and I felt some pain myself. I've wanted to be able to ease their pain, and fallen short of being able to do that. Also, I've talk to people who have been very puzzled about why this happens. Why are other people so in fear of or worried about others leaving. I mean leaving permanently, for example - dying.

Why do some people fear the death of loved ones? How can we help them reduce that fear? These are the questions.

The fear of death is a powerful and quite common force. Napoleon Hill included the fear of death in his short list of the six most-common fears. I suppose the death of another person brings to home the fact, the cold hard fact, of our own mortality. In addition, the pain tied to  loss of love [which will inevitably happen when a loved one departs] is another of Napoleon Hill's six most-common fears. 

I believe the antidote suggested by Napoleon Hill can be summed up as follows:

  • We must accept our own mortality, as being part of the human condition.
  • We must accept that death brings unknowns to us because none of us knows with certainty what will happen to us when we die. We may choose to except beliefs about what will happen, but no one has first-hand proof. So, consciously or subconsciously, the topic of death brings ambiguity to our minds. We must accept that uncertainty and ambiguity as part of life [part of the human condition] and embrace it as being beyond our control.
  • If we can accept death as inevitable and beyond our control then hopefully we gain peace of mind and that will be accompanied by a reduction in the fear we feel. 
To a degree, even to a large degree, with thought, plans and proactive we can control our fears.

 

Tags:

Beyond Business | Emotions & Feelings @ Work | Hero Worship | Wisdom: Surviving the Test of Time

It's time to stamp out Passion and Love in our Workplaces!

by Rick Baker
On Sep 28, 2016

When people say “passion in the workplace”:

  • What does that mean to you? 
  • What does that mean to them?

It seems the ‘motivational gurus’ cannot break the habit of using the word 'passion' when talking about ideal workplaces and their followers cannot get beyond feeling little twinges of inspiration, albeit incredibly short lived twinges, when they hear messages about 'passion in the workplace'.

But – really – what does all this talk about 'passion in the workplace' mean and does it contain any value?

Bottom lines… 

For donors of motivational messages about workplace-passion: Do these people actually care or think about the meaning of the word passion or do they just spew out the word, because they believe it’s in vogue or because they cannot stop themselves from riding the wake of a cliché? 

For recipients who are inspired by workplace-passion messages: What, exactly, are they thinking when they get inspired? Specifically, what does the word passion mean to them?

Some context…

Here’s the way the Merriam-Webster Dictionary presents the various meanings of the word passion:

Simple Definition of PASSION

  • a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something
  • a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way
  • a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone

Full Definition of PASSION

1. often capitalized: a) the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death; b) an oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion

2. obsolete :  suffering

3. the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces

4.a) (1) emotion his ruling passion is greed (2) plural the emotions as distinguished from reason; b) intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction; c) an outbreak of anger

5.a) ardent affection : love; b) a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept; c) sexual desire; d) an object of desire or deep interest

Source: Merriam-Webster's Learner's Dictionary

So this does not get too complicated…

…let’s just consider the Merriam-Webster dictionary’s Simple Definition of PASSION

  • a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something (Bullet Point 1)
  • a strong feeling (such as anger) that causes you to act in a dangerous way (Bullet Point 2)
  • a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone (Bullet Point 3)

Bullet Point 1 – Yes, this definition fits workplaces. At least, in theory, enthusiasm/excitement has the potential to be a productive driver in workplaces. Obviously, in practice, enthusiasm/excitement will face limitations in working people and in workplaces:  

  • for the former, there will be ‘good days and bad days’ where enthusiasm/excitement do and do not happen – after all, we are only human
  • for the latter, there will be ‘right times and places’ where enthusiasm/excitement fit and do not fit – after all, all those other people at our workplaces are also only human

All considered, the first simple definition fits workplaces. For example, if we were to say “We are enthusiastic about our work” or “We are excited about our work” then people would interpret these as good things…which makes me wonder – why don’t the motivational gurus just say those things instead of using the word 'passion'? [It seems to me the answer to that last questions rests somewhere between hyperbole and thick syrup.]

Bullet Point 2 – No, we do not want people to get angry and act in dangerous ways when they are at work. To the extent motivational gurus use the word passion to inspire people, most of us hope that inspiration will not result in angry mindsets and dangerous actions…which makes me wonder…why would the gurus take the risk of this interpretation by using the word passion? [It seems to me the answer to that last question must be they are 2nd bullet-point passionate about using the word 'passion' in their motivational messages.]

Bullet Point 3 – Now, you might find it discomforting that motivational gurus argue in favour of bringing strong sexual and romantic feelings to work…i.e., bringing love to work. I mean, you may be thinking there’s a time and place…and the workday isn’t the right time and the workplace isn’t the right place. Regardless, the motivational gurus, many of them for many years, have been arguing in favour of bringing passion and love to the workplace! 

As one example, here’s a very-recent Simon Sinek quote:

“True love exists in business. It's when employee and employer are amazingly grateful to have each other. We should all have true love at work.”

When I read that quote, I wondered if Simon Sinek has ever read a dictionary definition of the word ‘love’. For example, has he read the Merriam-Webster definition:

Simple Definition of LOVE

  • a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person
  • attraction that includes sexual desire : the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship
  • a person you love in a romantic way

In this English language we use, there is a considerable difference between loving and being grateful. Arguments promoting "we should all have true love at work" are patently silly. And, unfortunately, Simon Sinek is not alone in his passion and love arguments. Clearly - the motivational gurus are going too far in their quest for catchy slogans and advice: they are squeezing clichés beyond the limits of common sense. 

Clearly, it's time to stamp out Passion and Love in our Workplaces!

PS: If you are eligible and you meet a willing recipient for your love and passion at your workplace then the above is not intended to dissuade you or the object of your affection. However, I must extend two suggestions of caution: (1) there is a time and a place so you may want to consider off-premises and after-hours for your exchange of love and passion and (2) don’t confuse your wonderfully-human emotions and mind-states with arguments that suggest your love and passion have anything to do with business cases, workplace excellence or ROI.

PPS: In recognition of my motivational hero, Napoleon Hill. Yes – Napoleon Hill championed the value of transmuting sexual energy into energy to be used for workplace thought and action [see Hill’s 1937 classic, ‘Think and Grow Rich’]. Hill saw the tremendous energy embedded in the emotions he described as 'love' and 'sex'. He recognized, if sex energies could be channeled [i.e., transmuted] into different endeavours, including business work, then the results could be stupendous. I expect the current motivational gurus haven't misunderstand/misinterpret Hill’s messages…after all, it seems they haven’t even taken the time to read dictionaries let alone the works of motivational leaders who did take the time to do very deep thinking before putting thoughts to their audiences.

PPPS: I recognize some workplaces rely upon passion and/or love - most of them deliver incredible humane and charitable services...others are are just plain illegal. 

inexpensive diamonds contain value - expensive diamonds contain flaws

by Rick Baker
On Aug 17, 2016

Things are rarely as bad as they seem - things are rarely as good as they seem. 

Time seems to iron out our emotional highs and lows, healing old wounds and adding perspective to achievements.

In this way, Time shows us our tendency to overstate both the positives and the negatives.

A balanced viewpoint is a wonderful thing: enjoying the good things [while not getting too inflated about them] and accepting the bad things [without losing too much energy or damaging spirit].

While Dorothy and Toto aimed somewhere over the rainbow they ought to have been thinking about aiming somewhere closer to the middle of the rainbow, say in the bluish-green zone.

There’s much to be gained through a more balanced approach. I'm not talking about being dull and even-keeled all the time. We don’t want to ignore or miss the learning experiences embedded in life’s truly extreme experiences. But, life is not a roller-coaster ride unless our minds make it so.

Sure – we can be on the optimistic side of centre…as in – “always look on the bright-central side of life”. 

Stated another way – rose-coloured glasses have their limitations. After all, they focus on one end of the light spectrum [R as in ROYGBIV, that is]. So, there’s a good argument to be made in favour of wearing green or blue coloured glasses.

While inexpensive diamonds may lack lustre [and all those other pleasing-to-the-eye attributes], they are nonetheless diamonds, containing value. While expensive diamonds are far more expensive, they still contain imperfections…which you will learn all about if you try to sell one.

The Silent & Still Worker

by Rick Baker
On Jul 21, 2016

There's value in silence and stillness. I suppose I never really grasped that until I read the words of North American Indians, gained an understanding of what they learned early in life and gained some understanding of how they governed themselves [pre-19th Century]. I suppose I am naturally un-silent and un-still...I suppose, my behaviour is in the zone of ADHD...[if categorizing people that way contains any value]. And, as a final point of introduction, I know the meditative arts bank heavily on silence and stillness. For me, it would take extreme effort to progress up the hierarchical steps of meditation [for example, as presented by Alan Wallace in his classic 'The Attention Revolution', (2006)]. 

My nature is not one of stillness and silence.

Regardless, I force myself from time to time to practice these two behaviours because I believe they bring value. I am fascinated by Eckhart Tolle and his work around 'The Power of Now': his work is laced with calmness, silence, stillness, peace of mind...and a wonderful, relaxed sense of humour.

As an 'observer of others'...

I see people working in silence and stillness. I don't see this very often: overall, it is rather rare. It is common for most people to work in silence and stillness for short periods, from time to time. As examples - most people hunker down when an important deadline is looming or when a particularly sticky problem needs to be solved quickly. On the other hand, few people spend the majority of their workday in silence and stillness, exerting highly-focused/concentrated thought and effort. Few people approach their work the silent-and-still way they would behave during a series of school exams. 

We should think about this...probably best to set aside some silent-and-still time to think about the value of silence and stillness...perhaps, we should perform this in a light stage of meditation.

We - I mean, each of us - should aim to figure out his/her personal balance between silent-and-still work and work that is not silent or still. [I mean both thought-work and action-work.]

We should talk about silent-and-still work. Well, yes - we won't be able to do that silently. But we can do it calmly and quietly...or can we?

When it seems the left hand doesn't know what either hand is doing...

by Rick Baker
On Jul 11, 2016

Some situations seem to be beyond our control. 

In fact, some situations are beyond our control. Other situations just appear to be beyond our control. Regardless, 'really beyond our control' or 'apparently beyond our control' - these are the situations that inject high-stress into our lives and put our self-control to the toughest tests. 

When our locus of control is tested, so is our self-control. When stress levels are high our self-control faces its toughest challenges.

We do better when we anticipate these high-stress situations and prepare, our minds, for them. We do worse when we blindly wander into these high-stress situations and allow emotions to cloud our minds.

Today, we know, in the future we will face many stressful situations. Today, we know future stressful situations will press our fear buttons and our anger buttons...and a number of our other negative buttons. Today, we can plan actions that we believe will make the most out of bad situations.

Tomorrow, we can take those actions. Tomorrow, we can show improvements. Tomorrow, we can possess amazing self-control.

Tags:

Change: Creating Positive Change | Emotions & Feelings @ Work

Nasty or Nice?

by Rick Baker
On Jun 30, 2016

Google studied teamwork and determined a very important factor was 'to be nice'.

Overall, that makes common sense... I mean - isn't that what our mothers taught us? Isn't that consistent with 'playground and sandbox philosophies'? 

One key question is - how do we define nice? Does that word mean the same thing to you as it means to me?  

Another important question is - what do we do when somebody isn't it nice? For example, someone makes a not-nice communication error. What, if anything, do we do about that? 

A lot of other questions arise when we think about the importance of being nice at work:

  • What happens to being nice when your company has the habit of struggling to be profitable?
  • What, if any, lines should we draw around acting nice when you are reacting to people who haven’t been nice?
  • How do we act nice when customers refuse to pay our bills?
  • How much slack do we cut for people who, from time to time, fail to be nice?
  • How do you measure niceness when recruiting new employees?

Tags:

Emotions & Feelings @ Work | Questions?: The Art of Asking Good Questions

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