|
|
by Rick Baker
On Feb 24, 2016
Why do you deliver criticism?
How do you deliver criticism?
What criticism do you deliver?
I'm borrowing Simon Sinek's ‘Golden Circle' thinking here.
Criticism, in one shape or another, is a gift brought to us by Mother Nature. Animals guard their turf, their mates and their food and illustrate ‘cease and desist’ criticism when they feel their turf, mates or food [or is it, their possessions] are at risk. When we consider the way criticisms occur between creatures in Nature, it makes sense. It often appears primitive and harsh to us, however, we understand Why it is happening. Misquoting Darwin – in Nature, it’s about survival of the fittest. And, one of the first steps to survival is expressing displeasure when other animals invade your territory or threaten your possessions.
But, does that explain Why humans deliver criticism? Is it that simple? It seems to me that doesn’t go far enough to explain the Why behind people’s criticism of others [let alone criticism of self]. With people, there’s at least one other big factor at play – we call it ‘ego’. Each of us has an image/persona we want others to perceive when they think about us or interact with us. And that ‘ego-drive’ often causes us to express our different viewpoints to others…even when we know there can and likely will be negative repercussions.
To the extent our criticism is rooted in basic needs like the other creatures, we should make sure we have some level of self-control because survival of the fittest never described evolution…rather, evolution is about survival of the most adaptable. Evolution-theory, if it teaches us anything it teaches us we ought to adapt. So, we should at least give a little consideration to adapting the Why that sits at the roots of our need to criticize.
Moving beyond Why, on to How…
How do you deliver criticism? With intent? Unknowingly? Pre-planned? Impromptu? With logic? With emotion? With both? And, what reactions have you observed as you test your different approaches?
Finally, What criticism do you deliver? Do you only criticize actions that violate things that are sacred to you, your personal values, or your master rules? Or, are you indiscriminate? I mean, is criticism a daily free-for-all activity where anything and everything other people say or do or don’t say or don’t do fair game for your incessant nitpicking?
by Rick Baker
On Feb 22, 2016
From time to time, you feel victimized. We all feel that way, from time to time. There can be good reasons for feeling victimized. Sometimes we are victimized: others attack us verbally and sometimes even physically. Bullies, for example, stole our lunch money or chased us around the schoolyard at recess. When we grew up and went to work the bullies stole our ideas and humbled us in other ways, behind our backs and in front of coworkers.
Over time and with repetition of these victimizing experiences, some of us became victims: developing the self-image of a victim, developing the bad habits of a victim, and exhibiting the persona of a victim. These people are who I am referring to when I use the words, "Always-the-Victim".
Always-the-Victim means a life filled with painful thoughts and negative mindsets.
At the weaker end of the Always-the-Victim spectrum we find the people who chronically exhibit and practice avoidance. At the stronger end of the spectrum we find the bullies who pass on what they have learned. At each of these Always-the-Victim extremes we find the people who pass on and force on to others the thinking and actions that perpetuate the Always-the-Victim condition.
The Always-the-Victim condition relies on heredity and environment for its perpetuation. And, as you know, the world is ripe with people and situations who do their part to act as victims and do what they can to cause others to become victims. This is a part of the human condition. While it appears to be a bad/unpleasant/unfortunate part of human nature, perhaps it is not. Perhaps, it is more like an educational lesson or a test? Perhaps, it is something we should observe (in real time)...then think about your personal thoughts and actions. Are your thoughts and actions those of a victim? If the answer to that question is "Yes" then are you OK with that or do you want to make some changes?
If you are Always-the-Victim and you want to change for he better, how will you go about that?
Will you change your thoughts?
Will you change your actions?
Will you seek help from others who have mastered the Always-the-Victim condition?
by Rick Baker
On Feb 17, 2016
To explore this topic, I did some on-line research and found an interesting article that has fed into my thinking process. Below are some excerpts from that article called ‘Why People With Disorganized Mind Are More Intelligent’. The article can be found at http://www.lifehack.org/324803/12-reasons-why-people-with-disorganized-mind-are-actually-more-intelligent [COMMUNICATION MOTIVATION BY DIANNA LABRIEN]
“Why People With Disorganized Minds Are More Intelligent
The clutter continues to accumulate—it has all of your life. You can’t find your car keys or your cell phone; you get in the car to go somewhere and you find yourself going in the wrong direction; if you have a workspace, it’s a mess; nothing is ever “where it’s supposed to be.”
You “suffer” from what psychologists now call “chronic disorganization.” But, what these psychologists also now tell us it that chronically disorganized people have higher intelligence and greater creativity. So, take heart, and the next time someone criticizes you for your disorganization, give them some facts to chew on. And here are 12 of those facts that demonstrate the high level of intellectual functioning of the chronically disorganized.
1. They score high on verbal IQ tests, often in the gifted range.
2. They have high creativity levels.
3. They have a broad range of interests.
4. They process information through their right brain hemispheres—the “creative” side.
5. They develop strong attachments to often un-related things and people.
6. They want to be around high-energy people.
7. They tend to lose track of time.
8. They have difficulty focusing when they are not interested or fascinated.
9. They are intuitive, extroverted, and feeling according to personality testing.
10. They must be learning all the time.
11. They think globally.
12. They may seem “nerdy” or “know-it-all” to others.
Disorganized people need to discover the truth and, in most instances, their own brand of truth. They may spend a lot of time with books and on the Internet. In school, they may be seen as nerds; to psychologists, they may be identified as having Asperger’s. They do not have a lot of patience for those who want to “follow the book” on everything. They research and think about how not to “follow the book” and are usually pretty committed to voicing their ideas and opinions—thus they can get a reputation for being a “know-it-all”.”
Now, there’s some food for thought. If you buy into those 12 points then perhaps you can buy into the concept that even disorganized people can succeed in business….and become well-respected business leaders.
Then, the questions move from whether or not disorganized people can succeed to the hows & whats around the thinking and actions that must happen to bring out the success embedded in disorganized people.
by Rick Baker
On Feb 12, 2016
My friend Lorie Saxby taught me about the 7 pre-frontal cortex activities known as Executive Brainsmarts:
- Focus,
- Initiate,
- Plan,
- Organize,
- Shift,
- Monitor, and
- Regulate.
Focus is at the beginning of the list. Lorie and I created a definition for Focus that fits Spirited Leaders' philosophies, i.e.,
Focus def'n - to control one’s attention and thoughts then actions to align with goals [this definition developed with Lorie Saxby PhD].
I see you struggle with Focusing.
I know you understand the merits that Focus brings. I know you want to Focus. And, I know you work at Focusing. Yet, you struggle with Focusing and those struggles consume much of your energy.
You talk about your struggles. It seems things need to be 'a certain way' before you can Focus. And it seems that timing must be 'just right" before you can Focus. And, it seems your best Focus plans can be quickly side-tracked by interruptions, disturbances, and even the smallest of day-to-day problems.
I'd like to help you build Focus skill. I'd like to have the key that would free up your ability to Focus. I'd like to be able to package my message simply, clearly, and in a way that encourages you.
However, I don't think there is a magic formula for Focusing. I think the ability to Focus can be a learned skill and, clearly, some people have to work much more diligently than others to improve at Focusing. To develop skill at Focusing (or any other skill), belief is a powerful starting point. Even better - a reality check, which accepts the current situation coupled with belief that things can and will improve...that's a good starting point.
by Rick Baker
On Feb 10, 2016
When our brains/minds register things that are important, our bodies experience stress responses.
The more important the topic/outcome is to us, the higher the stress.
The less control we feel/believe we have over the outcome, the higher the stress.
Spirited Leaders consider the following strategic things to be quite ‘important’:
When individuals’ Talents & Strengths are ignored or sidelined, those individuals will tend to experience energy-draining stress. All else being equal, when those individuals’ Talents & Strengths are put to good use the individuals will be invigorated.
When individuals’ Values & Master Rules are challenged or violated, those individuals will tend to experience energy-draining stress. All else being equal, when those individuals’ Values & Master Rules are embraced the individuals will be invigorated.
When individuals’ Vision/Purpose is ignored or contested, those individuals will tend to experience energy-draining stress. All else being equal, when those individuals’ Vision/Purpose is supported the individuals will be invigorated.
When individuals’ Goals are ignored or contested, those individuals will tend to experience energy-draining stress. All else being equal, when those individuals’ Goals are supported the individuals will be invigorated.
Considering these points, leaders have choices:
- They can work to drain people’s energy
- They can work to invigorate people
- They can be oblivious to the things that drain energy and invigorate
Knowing all this, what do you choose?
by Rick Baker
On Feb 8, 2016
Sure, we can be distracted or negative but let's remember we have these other two choices: being there and being positive.
If you are not naturally inclined to ‘be there’ and ‘be positive’ it will take some time and effort to adjust your mindset into those zones.
Being There: It is easier to 'be there' when you are curious, tolerant, and truly interested in other people.
Being Positive: It is easier to 'be positive' when you are genetically predisposed toward optimism, hopeful about the future, and creative enough to envision alternatives and possibilities.
Perhaps, you are not at this time blessed with any of these traits.
Regardless, you can become an expert at 'being there' and 'being positive'.
Yes, any normal human being can become an expert at 'being there' and 'being positive'. It will, of course, require some effort. It will require some thought. It will require some education - ideally, self-education over a patient period of time. In addition, it will require a desire to grow and excel as a person. And, a good sense of humour will help you along the way.
There is no perfect approach to developing the abilities to 'be there' and 'be present'. These abilities are built over time, by trial and error, and you will make missteps along the way.
It seems to me one of the most important considerations is 'control'. To fully succeed you must understand and (wholeheartedly) believe you can control yourself. To fully succeed you must understand and (unconditionally) accept you cannot control other people or situations. The more you believe in and practice self-control the greater your ability to 'be there' and 'be positive'. The more you accept the limitations around your ability to control other people and situations the greater your ability to 'be there' and 'be positive'.
To be clear - I'm not talking about 'fundamentalist' perfectionism...or about taking huge leaps or about making major sacrifices. I'm talking about taking some initial small steps aimed at 'experiencing the moment' as an observer. I'm talking about setting personal desires/goals aside for brief moments...long enough to listen to one other human being. I'm talking about imagining another possibility that isn't laced with annoyances (or doom-and-gloom thinking). I'm talking about trusting others. I'm talking about thinking between the lines of other people's comments/actions rather than jumping all over them and proving you are right and they are wrong.
PS: Now this all makes sense doesn't it? I mean, it makes sense at least until all that adrenalin and cortisol kicks in.
|
|