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by Rick Baker
On Jan 9, 2017
Forgetfulness plagues us all. At least from time to time, everyone forgets things. We forget things on our shopping lists, we forget the places where things are located on grocery store shelves, and sometimes we forget where we parked our cars in those massive shopping mall parking lots. Forgetfulness comes to us easily. It’s a natural thing. Sometimes we can forget two or more of these things during one visit to the grocery store. When we forget these things [as long as our spouse doesn’t make a big deal out of it] we rather quickly write off our forgetful experiences.
On the other hand, if someone steals that last open parking space we have been zeroing in on then we will have a tough time forgetting their ignorance, rudeness, and self-centeredness.
Most of us can quickly forget and forgive the grocery store people after they pick such good hiding places for the most-important things on our grocery lists. However, many of us will not treat grocery store parking-space thieves so kindly. At the very least, we will ruminate about their ignorance, rudeness and self-centeredness. At most, we will fight the parking-space thieves until one of us is dead. Between these two extremes we will retell the stories of parking-space thievery to our relatives, friends and coworkers until we have exhausted our inability to forget. When we finally let go of such tough-to-forget incidents they will leave no vacancies in our minds because other ignorant, rude and self-centered people will fill the voids by bringing other unforgettable experiences to us.
Sometimes we really struggle to forget things, especially the negative experiences brought to us by others.
Our minds exhibit curious abilities, including:
- our minds are quick to blame others for our negative experiences and
- our minds hold onto negatives and are fully receptive to upgrading negative content by adding fresh, unforgettable negative memories.
These are symptoms of our unforgettable-negatives mindsets. These are weaknesses. These are bad habits.
With persistent work, the bad habit of unforgettable-negatives mindsets can be corrected.
All we need to do is understand and believe forgetfulness comes to us easily and upon that foundation build the good habit of looking our 'unforgettable experiences' in the eye and persistently bidding them, “Adieu”.
by Rick Baker
On Jan 5, 2017
I think there are 2 types of busy in business:
1. There's good-busy
2. There's ?-busy
When business people tell me they are 'too-busy' I am uneasy because I have no place in my brain to file that type of busy. So, I either wonder if they are telling me they are experiencing #1 [good-busy] or I jump to the conclusion it's just another case of #2 [?-busy].
I admit I am prone to jump to the #2 [?-busy] conclusion because experiences tell me there's an awful lot of #2 out there.
On the other hand, I do not always jump to conclusions so I regularly find myself wondering, "Is this too-busy good-busy or ?-busy?" When I am wondering in the direction one thought always finds its way into my mind, "Is your too-busy coupled with increased gross margin?" Sometimes that internal thought finds its way to my external voice and I blurt out, "Is your too-busy coupled with increased gross margin?" That's always followed by my observation of a puzzled if not surprised or maybe annoyed face peering right at me. The conversation either goes uphill or downhill from there. While the downhill conversations are not particularly enjoyable the uphill ones more than offset their downhill counterparts...resulting in an overall net gain...call it 'productive and constructive conversation'.
Needless to say, when I slip up and almost start thinking I am too-busy the little voice in my head keeps asking me, "Is this almost-too-busy coupled with an increase in gross margin?" When the answer is "Yes", I know I am dealing with some good-busy work...so I don't even feel tempted to get stressed out about it let alone complain about it.
PS: There are competing thought-cycles at play with one another here. When almost-too-busy is tested and found to be good-busy the opportunity for too-busy disappears. When almost-too-busy is found to be ?-busy further thought is required: one good example of further thought is 80/20 Rule thinking. Further thought about ?-busy results in paring of some underlying work, which again reduces the possibility of too-busy thinking. Either way, there is little temptation to be thinking, "I'm too busy". And, that's a real good way not to be thinking.
Successful people have more time...
...because they do not fall into the trap of thinking they are too busy.
And...we want to be successful...right!
PPS: good-busy --- Good Habits --- Acting in the direction of Goals
Original posted October 3, 2013
by Rick Baker
On Jan 4, 2017
Values are concepts covering things important and admirable to us (our minds). Values are our perceptions of intrinsically valuable or desirable ways of doing things.
Virtues are concepts about good behavior and character, reflecting how other people think of us…perceptions they carry in their minds about us.
Rules are concepts, which set boundaries on thoughts and action. Rules are determined by our values. Actions are things we do. Actions are governed by our rules.
***
When you have Integrity – I mean when you have Integrity as I define it - your actions are closely aligned with your values. You say what you mean and you mean what you say…and you do what you say. Put another way, when you have Integrity your perceptions of your values closely match other people’s perceptions of your virtues.
When your values and virtues are closely aligned people find it easier to trust you. Trust grows naturally…organically. You feel no need to advertise your Integrity and other people have no need to witness such advertising. They observe the ‘real thing’ when they see the consistency of your behaviour and that’s the way trust is built between people.
There’s a saying, “Rules are made to be broken.” That’s a fair and accurate statement considering the reality of human behavior. All rules get broken…by someone…sooner or later…(and often we don’t have to wait for later).
Even rules based on our deepest and most-admirable values get broken. As one example – nearly everyone lies…even to the people who mean the most to them. People have their secrets and certain questions defy honest answers. While it is admirable to think people can behave like open-honest books, that expectation is inconsistent with reality. Those who seek perfection in others will find the human condition is laced with imperfections. So, when considering others virtues and drawing conclusions about their personal values and their character it is important to set the bar at a reasonable level.
When people slip up - when people who matter to you clearly illustrate they have broken their own values-rules -
- Fight the urge to question their virtues and write them off [as Covey described the reality of human behaviour] by quickly emptying their ‘trust account’,
- Step back and consider the reality of your own values-rules breaches and try to counteract your natural attribution bias, and
- Be open and candid with the people, but stop well short of dragging them through the coals or humbling them as if you are blessed to administer that right.
by Rick Baker
On Dec 28, 2016
Trust is a fragile thing.
Two people share trust then one of them perceives an injustice and trust quickly comes into question. Whether the injury is 'real' or not, when the injury is perceived it is quite normal for the person who feels injured to retaliate...to seek revenge. Then trust is lost and anti-trust takes hold with a powerful appetite for growth.
The key to sustaining trust often sits at the point where one party perceives the other has done an unjust/unfair/unkind thing. At that point of recognition there is still opportunity to remedy the situation quickly and easily...at least relatively quickly and relatively easily.
When a perceived injury happens, the offending party may be oblivious. In many situations the real problem is the injured party has too-thin skin. Too-thin-skin and victim-thinking are common human frailties. These frailties are the consequence of lack of self-confidence. In other situations, the offending party may not be attentive or observant or empathic. Regardless of the reason, when one person perceives injury at the hands of another the offending party may be oblivious. The gap between of perceived injury and obliviousness is enough to fan the flames of distrust and revenge is, often, the natural conclusion. I say 'natural' because revenge isn't something reserved for the wicked and maladjusted. Revenge is in the genetic fabric of most human beings.
Revenge does not have to happen.
Revenge is like any other bad habit...it catches us, it gets repeated, it digs a deep habit-rut, then it owns us until the day we decide to work to overcome it.
The best way to overcome revenge is to recognise it is not deviant behaviour. It is a natural behaviour that doesn't work too well in our current society. And, it is something a person can control if that person wishes to control it. First, we must identify the breeding ground for revenge. Revenge comes to life when we perceive offensive behaviour in others. So, we can nip revenge in the bud if we stop and think during the 'I-feel-offended stage'.
We can be more trusting and cut the other person some slack. We can accept our self-biased tendencies. We can accept our tendencies to protect and bolster our own ego. We can choose to understand these tendencies cause us to over-react to other people's actions and cause us, regularly, to perceive offence where none exists. And knowing these things we can choose to ignore that little voice that tells us "That person just injured me." When we choose not to be injured revenge-thinking will not arrive.
As the saying goes, "You can act offensively but I don't have to feel offended." Even if another person is truly offensive, we do not have to feel offended. It is a choice. If we choose to not feel offended then revenge-thinking will not arrive.
Controlling egoic biases & refusing to be offended: we have these two ways to reduce/remove the need to feel revenge.
When we practice these two ways they become good habits, good habits that breed trust between us and other people.
Trust is a fragile thing - we can choose good habits that sustain & build it.
by Rick Baker
On Dec 12, 2016
People can be funny creatures.
As examples, some people...
Never volunteer for new tasks, standing firmly even when the tasks are quick and easy.
Refrain from giving compliments, removing encouragement of such unwarranted expectations.
Hold their good ideas in secrecy, protecting them from potential criticism.
Demand the impossible, setting other people's bars at lofty levels.
Leave messes for others to clean up, leaving clear signs of services required.
Display their anger as clearly as possible, feeling free to unleash body language.
Point fingers and place blame, supporting the need for others to jump to fix problems.
Frame theirr questions with confusion, confounding others at every opportunity.
Delay as a matter of habit, expanding attention to the value that they just might deliver.
Refuse to serve in any way, stepping aside to allow others to fill those lesser roles.
by Rick Baker
On Dec 7, 2016
We must never forget, the DNA of our greatest weaknesses lurks within our greatest strengths… and vice-versa. The fine line separating strength from weakness may be as thin and fragile as humility. Or, when humility isn’t present, perhaps, strengths resist the temptation to become weaknesses as a result of some other tempering wisdom.
Regardless, strengths and weaknesses are close neighbours and they are reliant upon the direction of thought and action. Thoughts and actions aligned with true goals, long-term goals aligned with personal values, bring strengths to the forefront. Conversely, thoughts and actions that stray from the paths paved by true goals and personal values are the bad habits that grow weaknesses.
To a degree, at least a material degree and possibly a huge degree, our strengths owe their existence to our thoughts.
And, to a degree, again at least a material degree and possibly a huge degree, we possess the ability to choose our thoughts.
So, we have the ability to choose our strengths, first in our thoughts then in our actions.
When we fail to choose our strengths our indecision gives life to our weaknesses.
Our strengths and their related good habits are the consequences of the good choices we make. Our weaknesses do not have to wait for our choices. Our weaknesses may be the consequences of bad decisions or they may arrive on the backs of our bad habits of indecision.
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