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by Rick Baker
On Feb 8, 2016
Sure, we can be distracted or negative but let's remember we have these other two choices: being there and being positive.
If you are not naturally inclined to ‘be there’ and ‘be positive’ it will take some time and effort to adjust your mindset into those zones.
Being There: It is easier to 'be there' when you are curious, tolerant, and truly interested in other people.
Being Positive: It is easier to 'be positive' when you are genetically predisposed toward optimism, hopeful about the future, and creative enough to envision alternatives and possibilities.
Perhaps, you are not at this time blessed with any of these traits.
Regardless, you can become an expert at 'being there' and 'being positive'.
Yes, any normal human being can become an expert at 'being there' and 'being positive'. It will, of course, require some effort. It will require some thought. It will require some education - ideally, self-education over a patient period of time. In addition, it will require a desire to grow and excel as a person. And, a good sense of humour will help you along the way.
There is no perfect approach to developing the abilities to 'be there' and 'be present'. These abilities are built over time, by trial and error, and you will make missteps along the way.
It seems to me one of the most important considerations is 'control'. To fully succeed you must understand and (wholeheartedly) believe you can control yourself. To fully succeed you must understand and (unconditionally) accept you cannot control other people or situations. The more you believe in and practice self-control the greater your ability to 'be there' and 'be positive'. The more you accept the limitations around your ability to control other people and situations the greater your ability to 'be there' and 'be positive'.
To be clear - I'm not talking about 'fundamentalist' perfectionism...or about taking huge leaps or about making major sacrifices. I'm talking about taking some initial small steps aimed at 'experiencing the moment' as an observer. I'm talking about setting personal desires/goals aside for brief moments...long enough to listen to one other human being. I'm talking about imagining another possibility that isn't laced with annoyances (or doom-and-gloom thinking). I'm talking about trusting others. I'm talking about thinking between the lines of other people's comments/actions rather than jumping all over them and proving you are right and they are wrong.
PS: Now this all makes sense doesn't it? I mean, it makes sense at least until all that adrenalin and cortisol kicks in.
by Rick Baker
On Jan 25, 2016
Stress is one of our natural response mechanisms.
But, what exactly is stress?
There are a huge range of definitions. Stress is what you feel/think in reaction to things ranging from little annoyances [such as slow-moving lines in grocery stores] to major life events [such as deaths in the family]. Stress is linked to anxiety and a number of other psychological and physiological things.
Even the experts cannot agree on a definition of stress. When it comes to defining stress, I expect it is best to ignore the experts.
Regardless, don't get tied up in efforts to define stress: you know what stress is. At least, you know what stress means to you. You know how you feel about stress. And, if you are like the vast majority of people you don’t feel good about stress. You view stress as a problem. If you are like the vast majority of people then for you stress is, at best, a necessary evil…a persistent problem you must cope with.
If you believe in The Law of Attraction [i.e., either in a general way or in a hard-core way] then you must accept that viewing stress as a problem enhances the likelihood stress will be a problem. Even if you don’t believe in The Law of Attraction, you might agree that negative thinking tends to exacerbate problems.
That said – perhaps, you can adjust your thinking to believe stress is a not-all-bad fact of life.
Sure, stress may bring about psychological problems like anxiety and depression. Sure, stress may increase the risk of disease and death. Those are possibilities. Those are logical-supported conclusions. However, they do not create very helpful mindsets. In fact, they make for rather troubling and possibly self-destructive mindsets.
When we stew over stresses, we cannot at the same time hold thoughts and feelings of self-confidence.
Without self-confidence, we have little to offer ourselves or others.
For this reason alone, we must believe stress is a not-all-bad fact of life.
When we believe this, we approach life’s problems [both the small ones and the major ones] with a different mindset…a more-productive attitude. Opportunities become visible.
And, we ingrain the habits required for peace of mind.
by Rick Baker
On Nov 12, 2015
When I use the word ‘ego’, I mean that little voice that talks to you from within your head. You may have noticed: when you are in a conscious and lucid state, that little voice of ego talks incessantly. I have likened it to a little panel of judges…ego is always ready to judge you…and ego is even more ready to judge others. The ego, acting like a little panel of judges in your head, judges quickly and harshly. It has opinions on everything and everyone. It is always making demands and suggestions on how you should go about making yourself feel good and look good.
Your ego [and my ego and everyone else’s ego] spends all its time seeking something ‘better’.
Ego is the human, all too human, side of human being.
Ego continuously seeks more pleasure.
Ego continuously seeks less pain.
Your ego continuously seeks approval from other people...and regularly falls short of receiving the level of approval it seeks.
Your ego finds itself in ongoing skirmishes involving 'right' and 'wrong'...ego gets whipsawed by conscience as it works to reign over your inside and your outside voices.
***
Here’s a different perspective on ego…
You have your Elephant-And-Rider combo.
Every person has an Elephant-And-Rider combo.
Each Elephant-And-Rider combo has its little voice called ‘ego’.
***
When your little voice of ego speaks to you from inside your head it wants very much to get its way.
Your ego has a powerful and compelling force.
Yet, your ego is often misguided.
Bad Habits are the consequence of ego working to 'get its way' when the ego is misguided…and the ego is misguided quite a bit of the time. Taking full advantage of the Haidt metaphor…your ego is misguided when your Elephant overpowers your Rider. When that happens, your ego will make misguided demands.
First posted September 1, 2011
***
by Rick Baker
On Nov 9, 2015
When we make errors we generally experience at least a twinge of anxiety. Sometimes, the anxiety is minor and short-lived. Other times, the anxiety is extreme and it leads to the bad habits of rumination and worry, both of which can be quite debilitating.
Sometimes, when we make errors we repeat them over and over as bad habits. These errors can be considered intentional errors…we know we are doing the wrong thing yet we do it anyhow. Bad habits, including repeated intentional errors, take us away from our long-term goals. We have bad habits and we make these errors because we are human and laziness, short-term gratification
Sometimes, when we make errors we learn lessons that bring about good habits. It seems to me there are two common types of errors that bring about good habits:
- Accidental errors, where the consequences of the errors surprise us in a small, negative way…for example, when we say something that offends a person
- Intentional errors, where the consequences of the errors surprise us in a big, negative way…sometimes the consequences go beyond big/negative to catastrophic, like the straw that breaks the camel’s back
The key points:
- Errors trigger anxiety…we do better than we know this fact of life and have ways of dealing with the anxiety when it arrives [nipping anxiety in the bud, so it does not have a chance to grow]
- Errors, when repeated, can become bad habits
- Errors, when corrected, can lead to good habits
- Sometimes errors are surprises - accidents [i.e., new things]
- Sometimes errors are the result of a short-term gratification out-muscling a long-term goal…i.e., a, failure of willpower – intentional [i.e., bad habits]
Finally –
Strategies for managing error-induced anxiety can lead to happier, more-productive lives.
by Rick Baker
On Oct 26, 2015
Do you think thinking just happens automatically?
Do you think you think well?
Do you find your brain is prone to operate in knee-jerk mode?
***
Sure, thinking does happen automatically. However, outside of the occasional gem of insight, automatic thinking is the lowest level of thinking.
One way of looking at automatic thought: automatic thought happens when the brain is switched ‘On’ and the mind is switched ‘Off’.
Automatic thought has two forms:
- True/helpful Insights
- Knee-jerk Thoughts
True/helpful Insights – we all receive them from time to time. However, they represent a very small portion of our thoughts…for most people true/helpful insights happen so rarely it is reasonable to forecast they make up perhaps 1% of automatic thoughts. The other 99% of automatic thoughts are knee-jerk thoughts.
Knee-jerk Thoughts come in two forms:
- Automatic Negative Thoughts [Dr. Daniel Amen coined the term ‘ANTs’…link to Thought Posts about ANTs]…ANTs cover a full range of emotion-laced negative thoughts, which often lead to negative actions and inactions: fears, worries, anxieties, bad attitude, etc...and all the bad habits that stem from these negative states of mind
- Half-baked Ideas…these take our thoughts and actions on wild goose chases, down rabbit holes and up pipe dreams
Knee-jerk thoughts consume and waste much energy. While it is impossible [and therefore unwise] to try to remove all knee-jerk thoughts, attitudes and outlooks improve when ANTs are controlled and half-baked ideas are tested before they waste too much energy...half-baked ideas need to be 'oven tested'. ANTs respond well to cognitive behavioural therapies. Half-baked ideas respond well when tested under oven-approved recipes that blend in common sense [particularly, wisdom of the ages], open-mindedness, a sense of adventure, and a pinch of creativity.
***
Is your brain prone to operate in knee-jerk mode?
...might want to work on that.
After all, knee jerks are much different than more sophisticated leg movements such as those involved in walking...let alone running in the right direction.
by Rick Baker
On Oct 22, 2015
It seems to me we ought to re-define procrastination. While dictionaries generally define it as delaying or putting off doing something, in day-to-day conversation procrastination has a bad reputation.
Most people think procrastination is a bad thing...so they admonish themselves and others who do it [actually, at a more granular level, I mean 'don't do it'].
Anyhow, because it has evolved with such a negative image I think it is time to re-define procrastination as follows:
If you put things off and feel good about it - I mean, if you feel only good and never bad about it - that's procrastination.
If you put things off and feel bad about it - I mean, if you feel anxiety or worry or some other negative feeling - that's concrastination.
Then, putting things off and feeling neither good nor bad becomes crastination...[which, I acknowledge, requires some care in pronunciation...and perhaps spell-checking too?].
***
Regardless...
There's no question - procrastination has its pros and cons.
In fact, I continue to see value in procrastinating for success.
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