When it comes to replacing bad habits with good habits, timing is everything.

Sometimes, you just are not ready to make a major change. When you are not ready to make a major change you cannot make a major change. This can be a very difficult thing to accept when you were trying to help other people make positive changes. It's particularly upsetting when people come to you asking for help and yet clearly their actions confirm they are really not ready to make changes.

In my career, this happens regularly. So, I have found the process of helping contains clear steps. First, I must understand whether or not the person is really in a position to be able to make changes. Is their mindset ready, willing, and able to make a change? Second, if people are not ready to make changes then what small steps could be taken to help them get that readiness? Third, as those small steps are being taken is there evidence to confirm the person is getting closer to the point where they will be able to make a change?

Common wisdom indicates that people will make major changes when they face crisis situations. On the other hand, far more often than not crises do not generate new good habits that result in major, lasting changes for the better. 

If crises will not generate major lasting changes then what will?

The answer is as challenging as it is simple: major lasting changes happen only when people are ready to make them.

That's why I say, change is only constructive when people are comfortable.

I suppose I should say: changes only constructive when people are comfortable because only then can the truly be ready, willing, and able to make constructive changes.

So, we must go back to the steps discussed earlier if we want to help people make lasting, constructive changes. We must first assess whether or not the person is in a position to make such a change. The best way to assess this is to provide small steps that if performed well illustrate progress in the right direction. If these small steps fail then we must determine why they failed and we must not assume the person is in a position to make changes. In fact it is better to assume the person is not in a position to make changes and, at the same time, be creative in providing action steps that have the best chance of helping them move forward.

During this stage of investigation of change-readiness, one thing that must be included is testing of the person’s self-confidence levels. If the person lacks self-confidence then the likelihood of major constructive changes is extremely small. People who lack self-confidence rarely make significant positive changes in their lives. Lack of self-confidence and its siblings low self-esteem, out-of-control ego, and poor self-image have a tendency to become lifelong problems.

A key to success: when we want to help people make major, constructive changes in their lives first thing for them do is build their self-confidence. When self-confidence is on the increase it is relatively easy to identify its positive signals. As examples: eye contact improves, tone of voice becomes more vibrant, complaints are reduced, and the person seems to have more time to connect outward with other people.

These and other things signal the development of new habits – good habits.

Why not aim for excellent performance?

Why not strive for task and process mastery?

Why not strive for craftsmanship?

Why not aim for minimal errors?

Why not aim for clear communication? 

Why not aim to deliver on all the commitments we make to our clients?

Why not meet the time deadlines we agreed to?

It’s an issue of character.

It's an issue of culture.

Why not aim for a culture of excellence?

Are you comfortable dealing with problems involving the exchange of money?

When things happen in threes I feel a strong need to explore the synchronicity.  Usually, I come up with what I feel to be a hidden message in the synchronicities.

Recently, I experienced one of these series of similar events. The topic was challenges/disputes involving the collection of money.

The lesson I learned corrected my perspective on how people deal with money challenges/disputes.

Historically, I have talked a lot about people lacking money consciousness. The lesson I learned was most of the people who experience ongoing problems involving collection of money do have money consciousness. Their money problems are not due to a lack of consciousness about money or the fact they deserve the money. Rather, the issue is about their lack of comfort in dealing with people and situations involving money challenges such dealing with people who fail to pay money owed.

And, the issue is also about the balance of power between the people who are strong and skilled at dealing with money challenges/disputes and the people who are not comfortable dealing with money challenges/disputes.

Bullies and confident people tend to win money disputes. When money disagreements arise, the balance of power is held by the bullies and the confident people. Less-confident people have a power shortage and this power shortage works against them unless they take action to work on assertiveness and self-confidence.

About the people who tend to struggle with money disputes and do not work on assertiveness and self-confidence…

Their discomfort dealing with money challenges/disputes remains and often expands, solidifying into deep-rooted bad habits. Their bad habits appear in two forms: one is their inactivity/avoidance when they face tough money issues and the other is their penchant for blaming others for the problems.

Unfortunately, these responses to money problems are not helpful...not helpful when it comes to reducing A/Rs...not helpful when it comes to reducing people's stress levels...not helpful to bottom lines....not helpful in any way.