Some people naturally repulse criticism. These people may show outward signs of their repulsion. These people may not show outward signs, or their repulsion may hide so well it would take a professional observer to notice it. Regardless, internally, these people churn in reaction to criticism. For these people - even small, innocuous pieces of feedback can trigger intense internal reactions, floods of adrenalin – adrenalin spikes.

1. Do you know people who show vehement reaction to tiny criticisms…people who have zero tolerance for incoming criticism?
2. Do you know people who, at first, show no outward reaction to criticism then, later, strike excessive reactionary blows against the person who delivered the criticism?
3. Do you know people who have the habit of claiming they are the victim of undue criticism?
4. Do you know people who repulse criticism yet deliver it to others with gusto and righteousness?

These are four common reactions to criticism.

I have personally exhibited at least three of these four reactions to criticism…and, probably, many people would think I’m selling myself short by not admitting to all four.

Why?

Why would I have had such reactions to criticism?

Not having much knowledge of physiology or biology and only dabbling experience with psychology I answer that question this way:

• When people criticized me, I experienced adrenalin spikes [or was that cortisol?]. I felt strong, churning, tightening sensations in the gut…quickly followed by combinations of anxiety and anger, often intense anger...then excessive negative thoughts and behaviour.
• This reaction must have started when I was a very young child. I have no memory of reacting any other way to criticism [until the last decade, that is].
• Perhaps, my criticism-repulsion was are due to genetics? Perhaps, my childhood environment? Perhaps, my early experiences with authority figures? I expect it was some combination of these things.

Here’s a curious thing. When you experience criticism-repulsion as a child you can be quite oblivious to other people. And, this can cause challenges…a large variety of interpersonal challenges. Left unattended, these interpersonal challenges can last a lifetime.

Here’s some good news. It is possible to gain self-understanding and create strategies to overcome the interpersonal challenges. The starting point, or at least one starting point, is recognition of the physiological changes that signal less-than-ideal reactions to criticism. People, perhaps most people, can alter their bad habits [including adrenalin spikes] if they choose to make the changes and do the work required.

PS: Perhaps, the people who experience the criticism-repulsion I have described are most capable of identifying it in other people? ... and helping others?  

I have experienced some synchronicity around this topic...I have witnessed several unrelated instances...some people have complained about the interpersonal damages done by office conflict while others have applauded the value office conflicts have injected into innovative and creative processes. 

Business empires have been built around office conflicts and 'crucial conversations'. In some cases the empires are bestselling books, must-do and how-to manuals aimed at teaching people how to diffuse, reduce, remove office conflicts. At the other end of the spectrum, we have a touted genius-of-our-time and an empire formed around the legacy of a partially-eaten apple. 

And, interpersonal conflicts create huge challenges in family businesses: parent-child rifts, sibling rivalry, family distrusts. When these entrenchments exist it is easy to determine the cause/fault. It always rests with the other guy! 

On the other hand, according to some experts, strongly-expressed differences of opinion lead to creative breakthroughs. Thick-skinned people locking horns in boardrooms and other meeting rooms...generating many diverse ideas...reaching a single decision...enjoying consensus...working in unison...achieving desired goals. 

Radically different views about Office Conflicts!

What's your personal comfort zone?

Your comfort zone: that's the key area...

What's your personal comfort zone?

1. How far are you prepared to stretch your comfort zone to accommodate other people's viewpoints? 
2. How open are you to accept different styles of communication when other people express their viewpoints?
3. How clearly do you communicate your personal values and rules?

Put another way:

1. Are you open to 'possibilities and 'new things'?
2. Are you open to different personalities and communication styles?
3. Do you know and share these important aspects of your character...telling stories to explain why you are the way you are?

On Timeliness...

Do you know anyone who has achieved success in life without having the habit of meeting time commitments?

As I write this I'm thinking of petulant actors/actresses exerting their will on frazzled directors...that behind-the-scenes movie cliché, where one person disrupts everyone else's plans and schedules.  On top of that, I'm thinking of the 1992 comedy movie 'Noises Off', which combined this behind-the-scenes movie cliché with a plot that is all about humorous consequences that could happen when people fail to meet time cues in live theatre. 

While we can laugh about people messing up timing in movies, we seldom laugh about it in real life. 

There are many sayings that capture our consensus view/wisdom around time and timing, as examples - 

• Time waits for no man.
• Time is of the essence.
• Timing is everything.

Yet, almost all of us mess up timing, at least once in a while. We forget appointments. We arrive late for meetings. We fail to meet project deadlines.

Some people are habitually late. [Most families have at least one of these types...always late while the meal is overcooking or the cake & ice cream is on hold...waiting.] 

Some people are intentionally late. [They act like 'The Royals'...or like they are, by far, the most-important person at the meeting.]

Some people completely lack any talent for timeliness. [Like they have stormy clouds of confusion around their watches and calendars.]

***

It seems to me timeliness holds lower priority now than it did a few decades ago. 

Do you agree?

How do you feel about timeliness - 

• Do you want others to be on time?
• Do you want to be on time?