As a general rule, people of strong character do not complain about people they truly like. Certainly, people of strong character do not voice repeated complaints about people they like.

A mentor must, at the very least, like the person being mentored. A true mentor-mentee relationship goes far beyond just liking one another. Such relationships are founded on mutual respect and built on shared trust.

So, if someone says they are mentoring a person and in the next breath complains about that person then you know there is no true mentoring relationship. What the person is doing is simply complaining about another person. And, if the person is complaining about an employee then the person is simply criticizing an employee's performance. The situation is not about mentoring…it’s just another boss complaining about another employee....it's nothing special...it's common fare...it's just a display of a destructive bad habit.

When a mentor is mentoring an employee the mentor uses criticism most sparingly, if at all. In addition, the mentor refrains from sharing those criticisms with other people. That would violate the mentor-mentee relationship. A true mentor would not complain about a mentee to others. And a true mentor would use (at the very most) private and gentle criticism in performing the role of mentoring. The essence of mentoring is helping and good mentors know criticism is often destructive.

So, a boss who complains to others about an employee is not able to mentor that employee. The complainer is just a struggling boss. The person lacks, for one reason or another, the ability to constructively inspire and influence the employee to perform in a manner deemed satisfactory. The complaints about the employee are cries for help, whether the complainer knows it or not. That is the essence of the complaints. Needless to say, when bosses fail with employees the employees are caught between rocks and hard places.