Start With WHY

Good leaders know people's emotions can be touched and people can become motivated when they understand WHY. WHY messages appeal to emotions. HOW and WHAT messages connect with logic. Emotions drive decisions and inspire action; emotions overrule logic. So, when good leaders communicate they start with why.

Stick with INTERESTS

Good leaders know disputes can be avoided and disputes can be diffused when people focus on Interests rather than talk about Rights or take action to exercise Power. Interests differ...however, for most people in most situations, one person's Interests do not threaten others. Certainly, they do not threaten others like claims about rights do or like actions that illustrate the use of power do. So, when good leaders communicate they stick with interests.

source: Interests, Rights, & Power circles - Mark Weber, UW

Talk ADULT to ADULT

Transactional Analysis taught that people's behaviour can be described in 3 ways: Parent, Adult, & Child. Parents make demands, Children are told what to do, and Adults do not achieve successful results when they behave like Parents or when they behave like Children. Good leaders know communications are most productive when people behave like Adults [not like Parents, not like Children]. So, when good leaders interact with people they endeavour to talk adult to adult.

Thought Tweet #924 On your road to Influence...help people remember and share their most productive experiences.

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

When people recall productive experiences they find themselves on positive 'emotional ground'.

When people are on positive 'emotional ground' you improve your ability to influence them toward constructive action.

And, when people are on negative 'emotional ground' the opposite is true...so, take the time to help people get on the more-positive 'emotional ground'.

People disagree with one another. That's normal…people view situations differently.

Business partners disagree with one another. That's normal…there is value in differences.

Sometimes arguments get out of hand. That's normal...we all make mistakes, sometimes big ones.

Sometimes, when people spend years together in chronic disagreement and argument they can barely tolerate one another. Sometimes, items that should be easy to discuss and resolve become triggers for major upsets and slugfest battles. And sometimes, the ongoing stressed and strained relationship becomes quite dysfunctional, marked by irrational interactions. Little things said or done by one person, whether intentional or not, ignite and inflame the other person.  

When relationships between business partners are like this, it is not normal. 

When business partners live in chronic dispute it is not normal...and it is not healthy...not healthy for them…not healthy for other people they interact with...not healthy for the business.

Yet, as in any bad marriage, when business partners are in conflict it can be extremely difficult to repair the damages that, over time, created the root problem. The root problem is Failure to Communicate, coupled with at least one "character flaw".  Failure to Communicate is a common problem. Character flaws are common problems.

When partners live in chronic dysfunction, egos are in continuous battle. Egos are in battle to gain control. Egos are in battle to experience feelings of importance.

Each person needs to feel in control and each person needs to feel important and appreciated.

Yet, because of the long history of dispute and discomfort, at least one partner refuses to give up ground to the other partner. And, at least one partner refuses to accept concessions when they have been extended by the other partner.

The situation is an impasse and the partners are locked in an uncomfortable and dysfunctional relationship of dispute and disagreement.

Why would business partners live that way?

They live that way because they do not know how to correct chronic interpersonal dysfunction. Most business people have received very little education in the areas of self-control, changing for the better, improving communication, or influencing other peoples’ behaviour.

They live that way because the problem of dysfunctional interpersonal interactions is offset, at least to a degree, by ‘positives’. ‘Positives’ are often complementary technical strengths.

Really, the choices are few. When partners are in chronic dispute they can:

1. Accept that situation, truly accept the chronic dysfunction and stop viewing it as a problem, or 
2. Figure out how to part company, or 
3. Figure out how to remove the dysfunctional behavior.

Each of these courses of action can be easy or difficult.

It is a matter of mindset.