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Thought Tweet #949

by Rick Baker
On Mar 6, 2014

Thought Tweet #949 Emotions wrap themselves tightly around thoughts about pain of loss...squeezing logic out.

 

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

The emotions around loss weigh in heavier than the emotions around gain. Psychologists' experiments confirm we place much higher value on avoiding the pain of loss than we place on obtaining the pleasure of gain.

This defies logic.

But - let's not forget - logic-defiance is the territory of emotions

Tags:

Emotions & Feelings @ Work | Thought Tweets

Thought Tweet #947

by Rick Baker
On Mar 4, 2014

Thought Tweet #947 Fear is neither our birthright nor our destiny...it is simply a bad habit we picked up and chose to live with...or overcome.

 

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

To overcome fear people must do small amounts of the thing they fear and experience small successes. 

Positive thinking is helpful. Positive action is truly powerful.

Fear crumbles when assaulted repeatedly by methodical small actions.

Fear of Failure

by Rick Baker
On Mar 4, 2014

I recently read an article posted at the Engineering Leadership LinkedIn Group.

In the article, the author stated fear of failure is something like a bad heritage from our ancestors”.

I shared the following thoughts...

What an interesting viewpoint…genetic predisposition to fear failure…

Certainly we are born with the ‘ability to fear’. [We see evidence of that when newborns respond to loud noises.]

But, are we born with a predisposition to ‘fear failure’?

I mean, are we genetically wired to fear failure?

Or, do we learn to fear failure?

To the extent we accept we learn to fear failure we can be confident we can reverse that learning and learn to not fear failure.

To the extent we accept we are hard-wired to fear failure we are less confident about our ability to overcome the fear of failure.

***

I prefer to believe we are born with the ability to fear and our reactions to life experiences determine the role fear plays in our lives.

I believe about 25% of people are predisposed to be natural-born optimists, 25% of people are predisposed to be natural-born pessimists, and the remaining 50% are predisposed to be middle-of-the-road optimist-pessimists. I also believe those who are not natural-born optimists can increase their level of optimism if they choose to work at it.

If our experiences have caused us to fear failure then we can remedy that if we want to and are prepared to work at it. To remove fear of failure we must first take steps to understand the specifics about our fears of failure, which may be quite different than the fears of failure experienced by others. We cannot fix our overall fear of failure so we must isolate each specific fear of failure and work on one at a time. When we work on a single fear of failure, we need to take baby steps of action aimed in the direction of the failure we fear. 

As an example, consider the fear of failing at Public Speaking.

Many people fear public speaking because they, for one reason or another, believe they will fail when they 'public speak'. They believe their public-speaking failure will be accompanied by negatives such as criticism or ridicule and those negatives will lead to embarrassment or loss of stature or some other form of pain. To overcome this fear of failure, the person needs to experience a small success tied to performing a small act of speaking in public. This first step can be done very easily. Here's how: take the person to lunch and ask a simple question...any simple question will do...for example, you can ask "What do you think of the weather?" When the person answers the question, bring it to his or her attention that he or she just public spoke without experiencing any fear or any failure. Compliment the person on his or her public speaking success. Then progress the public-speaking activity slowly...building on that first, small, positive, successful step.

NOTE: There is no need to send the fearful person to a public-speaking course. In fact, that would be a mistake, a particularly damaging mistake if it is done early in the process of overcoming the fear. To overcome fear of failure, people need to experience small doses of exposure to the feared task and experience small successful actions. This is especially important during the early steps of change...when sensitivities will be running high. And, to maximize your ability to help - lighten it up...use your positive personality...and a little properly placed humour will guide attention in constructive directions and help reduce negative feelings such as anxiety.

Thought Tweet #946

by Rick Baker
On Mar 3, 2014

Thought Tweet #946 Small stuff is like a sponge. If you sweat over it long enough it becomes so big & heavy it drags you under.

 

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

Nothing beats fear of failure when it comes to causing people to sweat the small stuff. 

Fear of Failure...one of the 6 Fears identified by Napoleon Hill in his classic 'Think and Grow Rich', (1937).

 

About Perfectionists

by Rick Baker
On Mar 3, 2014

Wouldn’t it be interesting if perfectionists would allow us to walk step-by-step with them as they perform their perfectionist role.

When they are being the perfectionist - do they think much, or are they simply compelled to do...and do...and do?

When perfectionists think, is their thinking confined to ruts where thoughts keep repeating while actions are stalled?

When perfectionists think, what are they thinking? Are their thoughts like those of non-perfectionists except more textured or broader in scope? Or are perfectionists' thoughts nonsensical or scattered or bizarre? 

To what extent are perfectionists’ thoughts being dragged along by feelings of need or worry or criticism? Are perfectionists' thoughts always dragged along by negative feelings? Or, are perfectionists' thoughts sometimes laced with positive feelings...or mania?

To what degree are perfectionists driven to create? Is perfectionist-behaviour aligned with building value or is it simply driven by an extra-strong interest in doing things right?

Perhaps an in-depth understanding of perfectionists’ mindsets and thought processes would put us in a much better position to help them…assuming they need, want, and are ready to accept our help.

Or...

Is perfectionism in business a dysfunction by its very name?

Is perfectionism a dysfunction that a leader simply cannot ignore...a signal that corrective action is a must?

In business, doing things right is a good thing. Like everything in business, there are costs associated with doing things right...at the least, there are the costs of time spent. And, perfectionists overspend their time. Others know this. That's likely how the label 'perfectionist' came about in the first place. So, perfectionists are inclined to spend too much time on things as they work to do those things the right way. That sounds conflicted.

Where does perfectionism end and indecision start?

Or - do these 2 things overlap?

Or - is perfectionism an exaggerated form of indecision...one destined to to thwart both good decisions and delegation? 

Questioned another way...

Is perfectionism the antidote for decisiveness?

If so, as we work at doing things right in business, can indecision help us achieve better results?

 

We have fears. And, sometimes, fears have us.

by Rick Baker
On Feb 28, 2014

Fear can freeze us on the spot, rendering us helpless, humbled, and humiliated. 

Fear can gnaw away at us for long periods of time, slowly but surely, bite after bite, consuming our energy and killing our will to press on or fight. 

Fear can overwhelm our self-control, allowing our emotions to spill out in embarrassing ways. 

Fear can cloud our judgment, making us think like victims and see others as oppressors.

Sometimes when fears engulf us we cannot get the picture of most-dire outcomes out of our minds. Other times we see only unknowns. Regardless, when fear has its hold on us outcomes seem to be beyond our control. 

Despite all these challenges - despite all the negatives fears bring to our lives - we possess fears. We possess fears. And sometimes fears possess us. 

Why?

Why do we possess fears?

It seems fears have a home somewhere in our DNA. Much argument has been made in support of the survival-value of emotions and the fears that follow emotions. Without fear of sabre-tooth cats and other predators our ancestors would have been short-lived and we would not be here. Without the fear of fire we would all have many more burn scars. Yes, some fears serve a useful purpose. There are good and positive reasons why we possess the ability to fear. 

But - why do fears possess us?

And - can we do anything to change that?

Why do fears possess us? Because its roots are linked with survival, fear is a naturally powerful mindset. When the mindset of fear is repeated it has strong habit-forming potential.  A few bee stings generate a life-long wariness. If the bee-wary person has the ability to avoid bees then the habit of bee-wariness is a good one. If, for some reason, the person believes he or she lacks the ability to avoid bees then the bee-wariness habit can become a bad habit...a neurosis...a phobia...or even a psychosis. Then, the fear of bees possesses the person and this can cause much distress.

When a fear possesses - what can be done? Can the person remove the bad-habit fear?

Yes - for most people, most bad-habit fears can be reduced and removed. The key is to understand fears are natural. They started with survival roots and they were so well fed they grew beyond good habits into bad habits. Regardless of how they grew, the best way to remove bad-habit fears is step-by-step correction.

For example, if a person fears bees then the person could overcome the fear by taking steps like these:

  • See a picture of a bee
  • Then get comfortable enough to hold the picture
  • Then see a live bee from a safe distance, say from an adjoining room through a window
  • Then watch another person sit in the room with the bee
  • Then put on a beekeeper's outfit
  • Then enter the room with the bee
  • Then take off part of the beekeeper's outfit, say one glove
  • Then remove the entire outfit and sit in the room with the bee
  • Then get comfortable allowing the bee to buzz around
  • Then let the bee land on one of your arms
  • Then add more bees to the room
  • Etc.

Remarkable, permanent results have been achieved using step-by-step escalated exposures to remedy fears.  

There are many other methods for easing and removing fears after we stop possessing them because they possess us. 

The starting point is to identify the fear and commit to removing the bad habit it has become. The key is to take small steps that contain enough control over the situation so a sufficient level of comfort is maintained as positive change progresses. 

 

Tags:

Change: Creating Positive Change | Emotions & Feelings @ Work

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