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by Rick Baker
On Aug 5, 2016
Curiosity opens the door to alternative realities: this is discovered when you are curious, when you ask questions and when you listen to other people's self-stories.
When people see your [sincere] curiosity at play, most will reciprocate and share their realities with you - realities that are as true and accurate as yours...but, often, remarkably different than yours.
There are, of course, other ways to learn about other people's realities. We live in the age of The Internet of Things and enormous volumes of information are available online. Consider Facebook and Twitter. These two online social media venues offer insight into people’s realities, or at least insight into the way they want to present their 'realities' to you in pictures and stories.
To really get a full perspective on other people's realities it is better to interact with them face-to-face. Have real conversations. And to maximize those conversations, it is best to be curious and to ask good questions then observe and listen intently.
Give people plenty of time to share their stories with you.
Curiosity is an innate talent. We all possess it. At least, at one time when we were young we certainly did.
Curiosity is also a learned skill.
If life experiences have beaten curiosity out of you – don’t give up. Your curiosity can be resurrected. Your curiosity can also be enhanced so it will become a lifelong tool. Curiosity will help you understand other people in ‘your world’. Curiosity will allow you to understand how you differ from other people in very fundamental ways. And curiosity will help you understand why other people disagree with your views and sometimes refuse to embrace your views. As you gain understanding of the differences, the knowledge you gain will build your self-confidence.
When you understand your perspectives differ from other people’s perspectives, you have the ability to construct your messages in ways that do not threaten other people’s perspectives. At the same time the messages embedded in your questions will help others understand your views. In effect, communication preparation – question preparation – is the key to building both self-confidence and personal relationships. Choose to deliver your viewpoints in ways that will be understood [questions] rather than in ways that will be poorly received [instructions]. When you develop skill in this area you will grow self-confidence.
by Rick Baker
On Aug 1, 2016
You have your world. It surrounds you. It consumes you.
You have needs and wants. Your ego makes its demands. You work away at satisfying those needs and wants.
But - What are you committed to deliver to your world?
Maybe you think about this a lot or maybe you don't think about it at all.
Yet - isn't now a good time to think about what are you committed to deliver to your world? Certainly, now is a better time than waiting until tomorrow.
Regardless, whether you agree the timing is right or not, you may choose to spend no time thinking about what you are committed to deliver to your world. If that's your choice then that's your limiting choice. It limits you. It limits your world.
Again - What are you committed to deliver to your world?
by Rick Baker
On Jul 27, 2016
We became allergic to the word "No" when we were young and now all of us don't like to hear that word when others say it to us. And, our aversion to the word "No" doesn't stop there. Many of us, at least from time to time, don't like to say the word "No" to others. Often, when we say "No" to other people, we feel guilt...it's as if the word "No" delivers pain to both the person who hears it and the person who says it.
So – often, “No” is thought but not said.
This leads to many problems.
Some examples –
When people think “No” but don’t say it:
- they are conflicted in their minds and this can result in worry-anxiety – this is especially true when the inconsistency between thought and action involve moral/ethical issues [i.e., in the zones of ego, self-image, self-esteem]
- they can be overworked because they become the dumping ground for others’ unwanted tasks
- their lives can be frenetic because they get pulled in many directions by many people
- sometimes others are confused or put off because the actions they see don’t match words they hear [or don’t hear] - sometimes honesty is questions [and that can go to the core of personal values]
- sometimes others might be compromised due to relying on false information
These are just a handful of the problems that happen when people have trouble saying “no” to others. Likely, you can rhyme off several more…from your personal experiences and your observation of other people who have struggled to say the word “No”.
Then, pose a question to yourself –
In the future, will I say “No” when that’s the word that needs to be said?
Footnote
another article
Put your foot down...
by Rick Baker
On Jul 25, 2016
When I was a child, we had 6 service stations within a short distance of our house: Gulf, Esso, Sunoco, Texaco, Supertest, and Shell. I lived right across the street from the Gulf service station. From about the age of 7, I worked at this ‘gas station’, helping the attendant. I swept the parking lot, washed windshields, pumped gas, checked and filled tires and checked and topped up engine oil. When I first started I was so tiny I had a heck of a time opening hoods and I had to stand on a wooden crate to check things under the hoods. My goal was to earn enough money to buy the good things in life: Cokes, ice cream and candy. While I don’t recall exactly, I think I earned 10 cents for a few hours of work. Not much, but the job made me feel grown up. And I liked having the spending money.
My childhood gas station experiences introduced me to many life lessons, including an alternative perspective on lying, cheating and stealing. I was raised to be an honest person, to tell the truth because lying was bad…even sinful. A number of the gas station attendants across the street from our house presented an entirely different set of rules. About half of them lied and cheated people. And kids from school – well, some of them broke the rules too…stealing from the gas stations.
Here’s a list of some of the lying/cheating/stealing I was exposed to at a very young age during my time at our local gas stations:
- Attendants charging for empty oil cans: attendants would tell the customer they needed oil then pretend to open an already-empty can and pretend to pour oil into the engine. The, the attendant
- Children jockeying pop dispensers to steal a pop: in those days soft drink coolers were crude and hard to use. Often, they jammed a bit and failed to deliver the bottle of pop. Children in our neighbourhood learned how to wriggle the bottle to solve the problem. Then, one of the most-creative kids learned how to get a pop without putting money into the pop machine.
- Attendants stealing money from the cash register…not all attendants, but some…taking a few dollars a day.
- Children stealing candy from the shelves when the attendants were serving customers at the pumps. Sometimes they worked in teams, one using a diversionary tactic to distract the attendant while the other went for the candy.
- Attendants refusing to pay the children for time worked.
- Children stealing hand tools from the tool cupboards. This was one way some of the children, especially the older ones, reacted when they were not paid for their work.
- Attendants refusing to give U.S. customers fair value for their U.S. dollars…and pocketing the difference.
- Children pooling their money to buy cigarettes [pretending they were for their parents].
I also recall the mechanics laughing about overcharging service clients for exaggerated auto repairs.
Looking back – when I read what I have written above, it might appear that I grew up in a very tough/poor environment. No – it was middle class Southwestern Ontario.
Regardless, at what might be considered a young and tender age, I was exposed to lying, cheating and stealing…not by wicked people – just by regular folks working in the auto sector in the 1960’s.
On the other hand…
I met some wonderful service station attendants who were put off by all the lying and trickery. These folks talked about fair play, their families, their aspirations and their goals.
by Rick Baker
On Jul 21, 2016
There's value in silence and stillness. I suppose I never really grasped that until I read the words of North American Indians, gained an understanding of what they learned early in life and gained some understanding of how they governed themselves [pre-19th Century]. I suppose I am naturally un-silent and un-still...I suppose, my behaviour is in the zone of ADHD...[if categorizing people that way contains any value]. And, as a final point of introduction, I know the meditative arts bank heavily on silence and stillness. For me, it would take extreme effort to progress up the hierarchical steps of meditation [for example, as presented by Alan Wallace in his classic 'The Attention Revolution', (2006)].
My nature is not one of stillness and silence.
Regardless, I force myself from time to time to practice these two behaviours because I believe they bring value. I am fascinated by Eckhart Tolle and his work around 'The Power of Now': his work is laced with calmness, silence, stillness, peace of mind...and a wonderful, relaxed sense of humour.
As an 'observer of others'...
I see people working in silence and stillness. I don't see this very often: overall, it is rather rare. It is common for most people to work in silence and stillness for short periods, from time to time. As examples - most people hunker down when an important deadline is looming or when a particularly sticky problem needs to be solved quickly. On the other hand, few people spend the majority of their workday in silence and stillness, exerting highly-focused/concentrated thought and effort. Few people approach their work the silent-and-still way they would behave during a series of school exams.
We should think about this...probably best to set aside some silent-and-still time to think about the value of silence and stillness...perhaps, we should perform this in a light stage of meditation.
We - I mean, each of us - should aim to figure out his/her personal balance between silent-and-still work and work that is not silent or still. [I mean both thought-work and action-work.]
We should talk about silent-and-still work. Well, yes - we won't be able to do that silently. But we can do it calmly and quietly...or can we?
by Rick Baker
On Jun 23, 2016
Some people believe I get too bogged down or is it tied up in words. Writing too much. Going into too much detail. Being too nitpicky about definitions.
No, probably that's not right. I probably should have said, most people think I get too bogged down/tied up in words.
I agree. What a shortcoming. I mean - considering my goal is to help people obtain their business goals, it would be tremendous if most people were saying, Wow - this fellow sure packages his messages well!
Clear.
Crisp.
Delivering accurate, quick & easy wisdom.
***
So - I've set a new challenge: I must learn to package my messages in ways that appeal to folks who want quick-reading/easy-reading and of course valuable messages. As I write this, I'm thinking fondly about Plucky & Pithy...a post from 2010 and Plucky & Pithy #2 a post from 2012.
***
People are adapting their reading: to address that, I should boil everyting down to bullet points, 3 at most:
- I get it. Just deliver a stitch in quick time, don't deliver nine.
- I get it. Too much cooking spoils the broth.
- I get it. This also applies to bakers: too much baking spoils the cake.
***
But, what about the common practice of setting company values, barely defining them, and missing the fact personal values are intimately linked with personal rules:
- How do I ignore that?
- How do I ease off on defining values?
- How do I ease off on explaining the power of deep-set rules reflecting deep-set personal values?
(Changing current habits is going to take some work and some time.)
***
As I work at Plucky & Pithy
Perhaps, the people who cannot live with details can offer helpful advice...
(And I'm OK if their advice is detailed.)
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