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by Rick Baker
On Jan 18, 2016
An Equation for Trouble
By Rick Baker
On Sep 6, 2013
...additional thoughts inserted
Control is the root of most disagreements. Self-control is a battlefield…or, at least, for most people, self-control poses significant challenges. Control of people's behaviour is another major area. The problems of self-control are mirrored and magnified when people endeavour to control others. Control of money is another. Money affects people’s mindsets and behavior: everything from peace of mind to criminal activity. Many interpersonal problems have roots in these two control areas.
People want to feel in control. People know they lack self-control and, with choices limited, they learn how to live with that. And, they have their hands full living with their internal battles around self-control.
No wonder they react so poorly to others who try to complicate things by injecting more control.
Struggling with Self-Control + an Injection of 3rd-party Control = An Equation for Trouble!
I mean 'live and let live'...cut me some slack...already.
That's what most people appear to feel and think most of the time. All of us feel and think that way some of the time.
So, when an unsuspecting 3rd party, say our boss, happens to step into our world and tries to foist controls on us...well, that's an Equation for Trouble.
And, we are more than prepared to deliver that Trouble and deliver it firmly and quickly. Or, perhaps we will deliver it subtly and silently...or maybe we will use the old behind-the-back approach?
We have many more options for delivering the solution [the Trouble solution, that is]. We can do flights and we can do fights. We can be overt and we can be covert. We can be clear and we can be vague. We can be singular and we can be plural...we will not forget 'misery enjoys company' and we can help our Trouble find lots of company if we so choose.
Delivering the Trouble solution - what a wonderful distraction from our internal self-control battles.
Alas...
So many options for delivering Trouble to the people who try to control us...and...so little time so few take the time to learn how to perform otherwise.
by Rick Baker
On Jan 5, 2016
You have intelligence.
You have self-control.
You have 2 of the 3 essential ingredients required to handle even the toughest situations. And, the toughest situations you experience all have one thing in common...People...at least 2 people - you, being one of them.
In addition to intelligence and self-control you need to have the correct mindset.
James Allen captured that correct mindset as follows:
"No situation can be difficult of itself; it is lack of insight into its intricacies and the want of wisdom in dealing with it, which give rise to the difficulty."
James Allen, 'Byways of Blessedness', (1904)
To handle tough situations you must have insight into the intricacies...
As the saying goes, "The devil is in the details". You remove those devils by mastering the details of situations. You excel at this when you excel at understanding people because the toughest challenges are always about people....the differences in people. To gain insight into the intricacies of people you start with yourself - gain self-knowledge. Then you learn about the differences in people. Understanding the differences in people will cause you to want to listen to others. And, the more you listen the more you will understand the differences in people. That's like adding tools to your tool kit. The more tools you have the more intricate work you will be able to perform. And, of key importance, the more confidence you will possess. That confidencewill serve you well when difficult situations arise.
Wisdom: wisdom is gained when trials-and-errors are blended with thought and a desire to do better. Knowledge comes from books and personal observations. Wisdom comes from the addition of personal experiences. To handle tough situations one must first learn by experiencing them, making mistakes, and doing better next time. That's the School of Hard Knocks way. As an alternative to learning everything that way, one can anticipate tough situations. Then one can predetermine the best ways to handle those tough situations. That's what sales people are taught to do when they role play various aspects of the buying-and-selling process. Well-designed mental exercise can be practiced and confidence can be gained. Confidence is key.
Handling Tough Situations:
- your Intelligence
- your Self-Control
- your knowledge of self and other people
- your wisdom from the School of Hard Knocks
- your ability to anticipate Situations
- your ability to think through best courses of action for those Situations
- your self-Confidence
References:
- for more thoughts see the Category called Business Contains Only 3 Things: People, Process, & Situations.
- for more thoughts on Confidence visit this link Confidence
by Rick Baker
On Dec 22, 2015
We want stuff. Stuff costs money. So, overall, money serves a positive function in our lives. Also overall, because of this positive function the vast majority of us have at least some fondness for money. And, again overall, our fondness places money in a 'role' where it can be construed as a source of motivation.
Personally, I would not say, "Money motivates". On the other hand, I will write 'Money motivates' here because [as described above] money serves an important function in virtually all our lives...as a result, many people pursue money...and a lot of people interpret that to mean "money motivates".
Stated another way, money is close to omnipresent. Being ubiquitous, from at least one perspective, it is illogical to state 'Money does not motivate'. Money is at the root of much human behaviour. Money is linked to the motivation of much human behaviour.
To ensure that somewhat-philosophical introduction does not conflict with things I have written about motivation in the past - Motivation is an intrinsic phenomenon, either conscious or not-conscious.
***
Now, some people talk about money as if it is the only valuable/meaningful thing in life. As a very good example, Kevin O’Leary filled the Dragons’ Den with his [apparent] obsessive love for money. And, we all know some people who spend huge amounts of time and brain-energy planning on how to get money without knowing how they plan to use it if/when it arrives.
At the other end of the spectrum, some people shun money and almost all the things money can buy. As a very good example, Mohandas [Mahatma] Gandhi dressed in minimal clothing, often without shoes, and lived and ate most-frugally as he led the Indian people to independence in the 1940’s. While I do not know people who live anywhere near as modestly as Mahatma Gandhi, I do know people who have decided to live ‘minimally’ [no keeping up with the Joneses, no fancy cars, no fancy homes, or fancy clothing, etc.].
***
Most people I know do not treat money [and what it can buy] in the extreme ways described above.
Most people I know view money as a thing worth having [the more the better], however, they do not place money on a pedestal or preach about or otherwise idolize money.
Most people I have met over the last few decades communicate [one way or another, either intentionally or by their actions] that they do not have enough money. That’s my perspective on their behaviour and situations…and…that’s a topic for another day.
***
Most people want stuff.
Most people try to get/earn money to pay for stuff.
So, there is a clear linkage between what people want, what people do, and their pursuit of money.
***
For most people, money is valued because of what it can get you.
For some people, money is valued because it can bring peace of mind.
by Rick Baker
On Dec 15, 2015
Five years ago, I wrote a Thought Post with that title, Do Family Businesses Have Better Values? During the last 5 years I have been involved in many conversations with many family-business people about this topic.
The consensus is – Yes, family businesses do have better Values.
An observation – Regardless of what people think about Values in family business, there is another related facet to consider: the people who work at businesses led by family-people live with the personalities of those family-people. To the extent the family has better Values the non-family-people enjoy that environment. To the extent the family does not have better Values the non-family-people tolerate, grin & bear that [or they depart].
When family-business values are not inspiring, people either put up with the flawed family-business values or they depart in search of better values. If they stay, sooner or later, their talents and strengths are stifled and replaced with mediocrity or dysfunction.
That’s a consequence of flawed family-business values. Talents and strengths never rise to the top when they live in environments laced with flawed values.
Similarly, when people do not receive clear signals to confirm the presence of better values they tend to assume the worse…they tend to think values are less than ideal, likely flawed…i.e., this is one of those negative-bias tendencies people fall into.
As a leader at a family business…
What do you think?
What values do you project at your business?
What values do you want to project?
by Rick Baker
On Dec 3, 2015
During a conversation last Friday, we were discussing personal values and my friend said something like, “Well, they bring their values with them”.
This triggered a number of thoughts, which were important to me but not a good fit for the conversation last Friday. So, I promised [myself] I would write them down later…later is today.
Yes – people do bring their personal values with them. If we work at it then we can get a sense of other people’s values by observing those other people. After we have observed people we make decisions about their character.
According to experts, this assessment of character can happen very, very quickly. And, we do not need to rely on experts alone. We know this from firsthand experiences. Every once in a while we get immediate ‘bad vibes’, bad ‘gut feel’, when we meet someone. At the other extreme, we find other people ‘magnetic’. These positive and negative feelings contribute to our assessment of other people’s character. As we decide on character we make assumptions about the underlying personal values that create character.
Yes – people do bring their personal values with them.
But – we must understand more if we are to succeed in dealing with other people.
As we observe and make decisions about people’s character and personal valueswe should not lose track of:
- Many people will not have taken the time to understand their own values/character
- For those who have worked at it, their self-analysis will be skewed by their bias:
- Often people look at themselves through rose-coloured glasses
- People rarely wear those glasses when they observe other people
- Few people get into open discussions of values and character
- When the stakes are high, personal values can take a back seat to personal needs
- Situations can cause personal values to take a back seat, particularly:
- When a person is under extreme stress
- When a person is subjected to a powerful yet dysfunctional leader
- When a person is surrounded by ‘mob thinking’
- Situations can help people use their personal values to create Value for other people
- When people are encouraged to use their Strengths [talents, knowledge, skills]
- When people are comfortable with a powerful Values-grounded leader
- When people work in a harmonious environment, with success-orientation
Bottom line: Corporate Culture is a process under the leader’s control…
First posted November 2, 2010
by Rick Baker
On Dec 2, 2015
It seems to me, trust is a fragile thing.
Two people share trust then one of them perceives an injustice and trust quickly comes into question. Whether the injury is 'real' or not, when the injury is perceived it is quite normal for the person who feels injured to retaliate...to seek revenge. Then trust is lost and anti-trust takes hold with a powerful appetite for growth.
The key to sustaining trust often sits at the point where one party perceives the other has done an unjust/unfair/unkind thing. At that point of recognition there is still opportunity to remedy the situation quickly and easily...at least relatively quickly and relatively easily.
When a perceived injury happens, the offending party may be oblivious. In many situations the real problem is the injured party has too-thin skin. Too-thin-skin and victim-thinking are common human frailties. These frailties are the consequence of lack of self-confidence. In other situations, the offending party may not be attentive or observant or empathic. Regardless of the reason, when one person perceives injury at the hands of another the offending party may be oblivious. The gap between of perceived injury and obliviousness is enough to fan the flames of distrust and revenge is, often, the natural conclusion. I say 'natural' because revenge isn't something reserved for the wicked and maladjusted. Revenge is in the genetic fabric of most human beings.
Revenge does not have to happen.
Revenge is like any other bad habit...it catches us, it gets repeated, it digs a deep habit-rut, then it owns us until the day we decide to work to overcome it.
The best way to overcome revenge is to recognise it is not deviant behaviour. It is a natural behaviour that doesn't work too well in our current society. And, it is something a person can control if that person wishes to control it. First, we must identify the breeding ground for revenge. Revenge comes to life when we perceive offensive behaviour in others. So, we can nip revenge in the bud if we stop and think during the 'I-feel-offended stage'.
We can be more trusting and cut the other person some slack. We can accept our self-biased tendencies. We can accept our tendencies to protect and bolster our own ego. We can choose to understand these tendencies cause us to over-react to other people's actions and cause us, regularly, to perceive offence where none exists. And knowing these things we can choose to ignore that little voice that tells us "That person just injured me." When we choose not to be injured revenge-thinking will not arrive.
As the saying goes, "You can act offensively but I don't have to feel offended." Even if another person is truly offensive, we do not have to feel offended. It is a choice. If we choose to not feel offended then revenge-thinking will not arrive.
Controlling egoic biases & refusing to be offended: we have these two ways to reduce/remove the need to feel revenge.
When we practice these two ways they become good habits, good habits that breed trust between us and other people.
Trust is a fragile thing - we can choose good habits that sustain & build it.
First posted April 10,2014
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