During a discussion with a friend, the topic of 'victims' arose. I thought it would be interesting to see a written summary of his thoughts on why many people feel and behave like victims...and why they ought to not feel victimized and how they might overcome their victimized mindsets. While my friend did not agree to provide his views in writing, he [in a very succinct explanation] said people feel victimized because they have not fully grown up...they are still children. 

When he said that, I immediately thought of Berne's Transactional Analysis: people behaving 3 ways – like Children, like Adults and like Parents. 

It seems to me everyone behaves like a Child from time to time. Sometimes, certain situations trigger pre-programmed Childlike behavior. In particular, when dealing with their Parents people can assume Children’s postures and communicate in ways that fit the Child’s role. Sometimes, accumulated stresses and strains cause people to resort to Childlike behavior…I suppose this is an avoidance or escape mechanism. We see Childlike stubbornness in workplaces and, from time to time, we see business people taking Childlike tantrums. Sometimes, for some people, sense of humour kicks in and humour can be quite Childish…I’m thinking of that picture with Albert Einstein sticking his tongue out at the cameraman. 

Yes – likely my friend is right – People behave like victims because they have not fully grown up. Victims, in effect, are grown-ups who hold childlike mindsets. For one reason or another, they have not developed an accurate perception of the ‘human condition’. They hold on to misguided views about ‘fairness’ and ‘locus of control’. They have not developed ‘coping skills’. They don’t understand themselves and so they have limited ability to understand other people.

Link to Part 1

Link to Part 2

Some say the key to accountability is 'delegating responsibility': when people feel responsible for something they hold themselves accountable.

But - How would you delegate responsibility?

Could you ask people questions like:

• "Do you believe you can accomplish this task?"
• "Do you buy into this task?"
• "Are you enthusiastic about this task?"

"Do you believe you can accomplish this task?"

• If people don't believe they can succeed, really, how likely is it they will succeed? [Sure, some argue "anything's possible", however, in real life that's not the way things work out. As the saying goes, 'You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear'.]
• If people don't believe they can succeed, is that belief founded in attitude or competence? [This is an important distinction: attitude rests in their court; you can help them educate and train for competence whereas they alone control their attitude...or worse, maybe their attitude has moved beyond their control.]
• If people don't believe they can succeed, do they know something you don't know? [You have to select your battles with care if you intend to win the war. At least sometimes, what you don't know can hurt you.]

"Do you buy into this task?"

• If people don't buy into the task, why don't they buy into it? [Is it due to habit?...some people think Devil's Advocate is an important role and if nobody else is going to play the role then they will step up and do it. Some people just don't fit on some teams.]
• If people don't buy into the task, is that due to ethical differences? [If the task violates moral codes or personal values then it is important to know their rules and where their lines are drawn. Violation of master rules and invasion of personal boundaries are poor choices, doomed to generate problems.]
• If people don't buy into the task, what would it take to get them to buy into it? [Do you need to alter the way you make decisions and delegate work?]

"Are you enthusiastic about this task?"

• If people are not enthusiastic - why? [Does the task test their weakness rather than align with their strength? People enjoy working in areas of strength.]
• If people are not enthusiastic, is it because they feel they are overworked and do not have enough time? [You might need to help them understand their priorities and how to accomplish them.]
• If people are not enthusiastic, are they stressed out or burned out? [Perhaps, their energy levels are low and they need to refuel? Perhaps, they are temporarily unable to be enthusiastic about any task?]

Could you ask yourself: "As a leader, a decision maker, and a delegator of tasks - am I doing a good job?"

Things are rarely as bad as they seem - things are rarely as good as they seem. 

Time seems to iron out our emotional highs and lows, healing old wounds and adding perspective to achievements.

In this way, Time shows us our tendency to overstate both the positives and the negatives.

A balanced viewpoint is a wonderful thing: enjoying the good things [while not getting too inflated about them] and accepting the bad things [without losing too much energy or damaging spirit].

While Dorothy and Toto aimed somewhere over the rainbow they ought to have been thinking about aiming somewhere closer to the middle of the rainbow, say in the bluish-green zone.

There’s much to be gained through a more balanced approach. I'm not talking about being dull and even-keeled all the time. We don’t want to ignore or miss the learning experiences embedded in life’s truly extreme experiences. But, life is not a roller-coaster ride unless our minds make it so.

Sure – we can be on the optimistic side of centre…as in – “always look on the bright-central side of life”. 

Stated another way – rose-coloured glasses have their limitations. After all, they focus on one end of the light spectrum [R as in ROYGBIV, that is]. So, there’s a good argument to be made in favour of wearing green or blue coloured glasses.

While inexpensive diamonds may lack lustre [and all those other pleasing-to-the-eye attributes], they are nonetheless diamonds, containing value. While expensive diamonds are far more expensive, they still contain imperfections…which you will learn all about if you try to sell one.