Thought Tweet #822 Empathy - isn't that a genuine interest in and ability to understand another person's feelings?

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

Some people who teach social psychology and communication define empathy as the ability to share other people's feelings; others define empathy as the ability to understand other people's feelings.

I think it is important to ask how a person defines a word rather than assume they use the same definition I use.

If you embrace a better definition of Integrity, you will improve your ability to Influence people.

Due to the amazing nuances of our English language you have choices about Integrity. You can choose Integrity to contain moral judgment; you can choose Integrity to mean unimpaired and sound; you can choose Integrity to mean complete. And, you can choose Integrity to mean combinations of these concepts.

Critical here is: you do not have to lace Integrity with moral judgment.

And, if you choose to remove moral judgment from your Integrity-thinking you open your mind and you simplify your thinking. You open your mind by making Integrity an external thing…not about you…about other things. Not about right and wrong. You simplify your thinking by linking Integrity with non-judgmental concepts – ‘unimpaired’ and ‘complete’…the pieces fit together…the pieces tie together…the pieces withstand scrutiny…the pieces withstand the test of time…the pieces are simple and when combined, the pieces make sense.  

When compared to moral judgment, the concepts ‘unimpaired’ and ‘complete’ are easier to measure. When compared to moral judgment, the concepts ‘unimpaired’ and ‘complete’ are easier to communicate with other people. When compared to moral judgment, the concepts ‘unimpaired’ and ‘complete’ are easier to embrace with other people.

The concepts ‘unimpaired’ and ‘complete’ open the door to common ground.

Common ground is the framework for Influence.

You can choose to define Integrity as:

1. When you know your Personal Values and
2. When you can express your Personal Values in writing [showing how you think the think] and
3. When you can talk with others about your Personal Values [talk the talk] and
4. When your actions are consistent with your Personal Values [walk the walk] and
5. When you acknowledge your think-talk-walk errors and strive to not repeat them

          …then you have Integrity.

You can let people know this definition does not contain biases in moral judgment zones.  It’s just about whether or not things are ‘unimpaired’ and ‘complete’.

Then you will, naturally, seek first to understand.

Then you will, naturally, keep your biases in check.

Then you will, naturally, expand your Influence.

PS: Very few other people have interest in your or anyone else's moral judgments...they have enough of their own...and constructive criticism is an oxymoron.

Control is the root of most disagreements. Control of people's behaviour is one major area. Control of money is another. Many interpersonal problems have roots in these two control areas.

People want to feel in control. People know they lack self-control and, with choices limited, they learn how to live with that. And, they have their hands full living with their internal battles around self-control.

No wonder they react so poorly to others who try to complicate things by injecting more control.

Struggling with Self-Control + an Injection of 3rd-party Control = An Equation for Trouble!

I mean 'live and let live'...cut me some slack...already.

That's what most people appear to feel and think most of the time. All of us feel and think that way some of the time.

So, when an unsuspecting 3rd party, say our boss, happens to step into our world and tries to foist controls on us...well, that's an Equation for Trouble. 

And, we are more than prepared to deliver that Trouble and deliver it firmly and quickly. Or, perhaps we will deliver it subtly and silently...or maybe we will use the old behind-the-back approach?

We have many more options for delivering the solution [the Trouble solution, that is]. We can do flights and we can do fights. We can be overt and we can be covert. We can be clear and we can be vague. We can be singular and we can be plural...we will not forget 'misery enjoys company' and we can help our Trouble find lots of company if we so choose.

Delivering the Trouble solution - what a wonderful distraction from our internal self-control battles.

Alas...

So many options for delivering Trouble to the people who try to control us...and...so little time.