Thought Tweet #799 Suggestions for Leaders: How to make sure your confidence does not threaten your followers.

The Thinking Behind The Tweet

Some followers are intimidated by Leader's self-confidence. Here are some Spirited suggestions, to make sure you do not come across that way: 

• Be authentic…it is OK to be on the reserved side of centre if that is your character…it is OK to be on the boisterous side if that is your character
• Be committed to working on self-improvement…i.e., raising his or her own self-confidence when that is required, as it will be from time to time
• Focus on strengths: personal strengths and the strengths possessed by others
• As Dale Carnegie taught, Praise heartily
• Make full and appropriate use of humour…some leaders have just a little of it and will need to remind themselves of the importance of putting it to good use…other leaders have heavy doses of it and they will need to remind themselves to never let it go too far…self-humour is best…humour at the expense of others is an absolute no-no
• Listen…resurrect that art if it has become lost
• Master your emotions…and keep them under control [most of the time]
• Live with Integrity…as defined here

Thought Tweet #798 When you chose to be a Leader you accepted the responsibility to Help People & Manage the Situations faced by People.

The Thinking Behind The Tweet         

To accomplish these two additional responsibilities you will need to: 

1. Understand yourself
2. Develop your strengths
3. Maximize your personality
4. Understand others…a life-long education and
5. Communicate well

When it comes to repairing damaged relationships, three simple tools provide a great deal of value.

Here's an introduction to the 3 tools...

Tool #1 - from Eric Berne's work in the 1950's - 'Transactional Analysis'

People communicate 3 ways: Parent, Adult, Child. When you communicate with people, especially when situations are challenging, choose the Adult approach. Otherwise, you run the risk of Parent-Child communications or worse still Child-Child communications, both of which are not productive in business.

Tool #2 - from Patterson, MacMillan, Grenny & Switzler's recent work - 'Crucial Conversations'

'Crucial Conversations' happen when people disagree, emotions are charged, and the stakes are high. When approaching such conversations it is important to decide, up-front, the specific problem you wish to address. Is it a problem of dysfunctional Content? Is the problem a repeated Pattern of poor behaviour? Is the problem relationship damaging behaviour? Decide which problem form is to be addressed and limit your conversation to that single problem.

Tool #3 - from Mark Weber - Interests, Rights, & Power [see Thought Post]

When we have disputes with people we have the ability to focus on Interests [the things we want], Rights [the things we are entitled to], or Power [the Rights we can enforce]. When resolving a dispute, we do better when we focus on Interests. 

Of course, much more can be said about all 3 of these concepts/tools. However, there is much to be gained by keeping it simple by considering the 3 pictures and the 3 pieces of advice:

1. Think and talk like an Adult, not like a Parent or a Child.
2. Test the nature of the dispute: is it a behaviour Content problem, a repeated Pattern of behaviour problem, or a Relationship problem. Pick only one of these types and stick to discussing the problem in that way.
3. Recognize that people have Interests and thoughts about Rights and Power. To resolve disputes, focus on Interests and avoid arguments that escalate into Rights and Power territory.