Curiosity opens the door to alternative realities: this is discovered when you are curious, when you ask questions and when you listen to other people's self-stories. 

When people see your [sincere] curiosity at play, most will reciprocate and share their realities with you - realities that are as true and accurate as yours...but, often, remarkably different than yours. 

There are, of course, other ways to learn about other people's realities. We live in the age of The Internet of Things and enormous volumes of information are available online. Consider Facebook and Twitter. These two online social media venues offer insight into people’s realities, or at least insight into the way they want to present their 'realities' to you in pictures and stories. 

To really get a full perspective on other people's realities it is better to interact with them face-to-face. Have real conversations. And to maximize those conversations, it is best to be curious and to ask good questions then observe and listen intently. 

Give people plenty of time to share their stories with you.

Curiosity is an innate talent. We all possess it. At least, at one time when we were young we certainly did.

Curiosity is also a learned skill. 

If life experiences have beaten curiosity out of you – don’t give up. Your curiosity can be resurrected. Your curiosity can also be enhanced so it will become a lifelong tool. Curiosity will help you understand other people in ‘your world’. Curiosity will allow you to understand how you differ from other people in very fundamental ways. And curiosity will help you understand why other people disagree with your views and sometimes refuse to embrace your views. As you gain understanding of the differences, the knowledge you gain will build your self-confidence. 

When you understand your perspectives differ from other people’s perspectives, you have the ability to construct your messages in ways that do not threaten other people’s perspectives. At the same time the messages embedded in your questions will help others understand your views. In effect, communication preparation – question preparation – is the key to building both self-confidence and personal relationships. Choose to deliver your viewpoints in ways that will be understood [questions] rather than in ways that will be poorly received [instructions]. When you develop skill in this area you will grow self-confidence. 

We became allergic to the word "No" when we were young and now all of us don't like to hear that word when others say it to us. And, our aversion to the word "No" doesn't stop there. Many of us, at least from time to time, don't like to say the word "No" to others. Often, when we say "No" to other people, we feel guilt...it's as if the word "No" delivers pain to both the person who hears it and the person who says it.

So – often, “No” is thought but not said.

This leads to many problems.

Some examples – 

When people think “No” but don’t say it: 

• they are conflicted in their minds and this can result in worry-anxiety – this is especially true when the inconsistency between thought and action involve moral/ethical issues [i.e., in the zones of ego, self-image, self-esteem]
• they can be overworked because they become the dumping ground for others’ unwanted tasks
• their lives can be frenetic because they get pulled in many directions by many people
• sometimes others are confused or put off because the actions they see don’t match words they hear [or don’t hear] - sometimes honesty is questions [and that can go to the core of personal values]
• sometimes others might be compromised due to relying on false information

These are just a handful of the problems that happen when people have trouble saying “no” to others. Likely, you can rhyme off several more…from your personal experiences and your observation of other people who have struggled to say the word “No”. 

Then, pose a question to yourself – 

In the future, will I say “No” when that’s the word that needs to be said?

Footnote 

another article

Put your foot down...

There's value in silence and stillness. I suppose I never really grasped that until I read the words of North American Indians, gained an understanding of what they learned early in life and gained some understanding of how they governed themselves [pre-19th Century]. I suppose I am naturally un-silent and un-still...I suppose, my behaviour is in the zone of ADHD...[if categorizing people that way contains any value]. And, as a final point of introduction, I know the meditative arts bank heavily on silence and stillness. For me, it would take extreme effort to progress up the hierarchical steps of meditation [for example, as presented by Alan Wallace in his classic 'The Attention Revolution', (2006)]. 

My nature is not one of stillness and silence.

Regardless, I force myself from time to time to practice these two behaviours because I believe they bring value. I am fascinated by Eckhart Tolle and his work around 'The Power of Now': his work is laced with calmness, silence, stillness, peace of mind...and a wonderful, relaxed sense of humour.

As an 'observer of others'...

I see people working in silence and stillness. I don't see this very often: overall, it is rather rare. It is common for most people to work in silence and stillness for short periods, from time to time. As examples - most people hunker down when an important deadline is looming or when a particularly sticky problem needs to be solved quickly. On the other hand, few people spend the majority of their workday in silence and stillness, exerting highly-focused/concentrated thought and effort. Few people approach their work the silent-and-still way they would behave during a series of school exams. 

We should think about this...probably best to set aside some silent-and-still time to think about the value of silence and stillness...perhaps, we should perform this in a light stage of meditation.

We - I mean, each of us - should aim to figure out his/her personal balance between silent-and-still work and work that is not silent or still. [I mean both thought-work and action-work.]

We should talk about silent-and-still work. Well, yes - we won't be able to do that silently. But we can do it calmly and quietly...or can we?