Sales Tweet #114 Ernest Seller’s best Client, Mr. Kaye, does not own a wallet.

 

You probably remember Ernest Seller’s best Client, Mr. Kaye. Well, Mr. Kaye does not own a wallet. The fact is nobody has ever seen Mr. Kaye's wallet and, for decades, salespeople, young and old alike, alone and in small gangs, have tried, with zero success, to break Kaye's perfect record of unpaid lunches...more on that later. For the time being, suffice it to say - Mr. Kaye holds the Guinness Book of Records accolade for unpaid lunches.

Sales Tweet #113 Ernest Seller froze his hands last night, putting up the Christmas lights.

 

Frozen hands…well that’s a heck of an improvement over December 22nd last year. Last year, December 22nd, when Ernest Seller was out there in the howling wind and blinding snow putting up the lights he noticed his canoe had escaped its moorings and found its way to the neighbour’s front garden. Ernest snuck over to check it out and discovered his canoe was full of ice and snow…weighing about a thousand pounds. But, as you know, Ernest is no quitter. He hacked at ice and snow. He tugged and pulled at the canoe until, finally, it became free from its garden snowdrift. Unfortunately, when Ernest tried to turn the canoe over to empty it he slid underneath it and trapped one of his legs. It truly was a near-death experience. Ernest’s feeble moans and screams went unheard as he lay trapped in his neighbour’s garden, craning his neck so he could peer through their front window and watch them sipping cups of holiday cheer, by their cosy fireplace, enjoying all that wonderful Christmas music. When Ernest finally freed himself…well…let’s just sum it up by saying the Seller family went without Christmas lights last year.

Sales Tweet #112 Ernest Seller spends 15 minutes every day, standing on his head, reading upside-down.

 

Ernest Seller tells anyone who will listen - a good sales person can read upside down. A good sales person can sit across the desk from the Client and read pretty much every document on the Client’s desk. Ernest mastered this skill as a young man. His first major coup happened about 20 years ago at the office of Mr. Kaye, Ernest’s best Client. During a meeting, Mr. Kaye stepped out of his office, leaving Ernest alone. In no time at all, Ernest had found and memorized the supplier list Mr. Kaye had been inattentive enough to leave right there on his desk. Ernest rushed back to his office to share his coup with his office mates. “What a leg up on the competition!” Little did Ernest know, nor did Mr. Kaye or his office mates ever tell him, Mr. Kaye had faked the document.